Monday, March 27, 2017

A Man's Modesty. A Man's Respect. A Man's Voice.

You are likely familiar with the common claim that the male is the default. 

The presumption that when it comes to the world at large, in terms of gender, things are supposedly set up, interacted with, and even thought of from a male perspective. This leads to the idea that if its not male it won't be considered or it wont be considered as much. And while there are some valid uses of this observation there some places where it simply doesn't apply no matter how badly someone wants it to.

I came across this a few weeks ago and it got my gears turning.

Robert Underhill, the writer of this article goes straight to the head of the problem early on:
The relative male-female parity amongst physician ranks generally affords both men and women with sufficient options.  The problem for men is lack of options at the nursing and tech level, where most intimate care occurs.
I don't know about any other guys but I have to say that yes I do notice that when it comes to intimate men are not given a lot of options and its just assumed guys are okay with women performing those functions. In fact I would go as far as to say that this actually goes in the territory of casting men as a monolith. But what is at the heart of these assumptions and double standards? Modesty. Or an assumed lack thereof.

If you look at a lot of pieces and articles about why men don't go to the doctor you'll see that a lot of them start and finish with something to the effect of, "Men think that proper medical care is a sign of weakness. blahblahpatriarchyblahtheydontrespectwomenblahblahtheythinkmedicalcareiswomanly". Point being there is often an effort to either blame men for not going to the doctor or pretend that its not an issue (and probably a few cases of making it about women if you look hard enough).

Now to be clear I'm not saying men have zero responsibility for their medical care. What I am saying is that if this were an issue like, let's say why there aren't many female CEOs, I bet you wouldn't stop at, "There aren't that many female CEOs because women don't put in the work." right? We know there are external factors at work that need to be addressed in order to foster the development of female CEOs. Why can't the same be done for men? Here is what Underhill had to say,
Partly because it is the elephant in the room that the medical world does not want to discuss and partly because men are afraid to speak up.  Why won’t the medical world acknowledge the issue?  Because they’d then be obligated to do something about it.  Why won’t men speak up?  Because all too often when he does he gets “you don’t have anything I haven’t seen”, “don’t be silly”, or “we’re all professionals here”.
I have to say I've had this happen a few times when dealing with female nurses and just like any insidious gender expectations I just rolled with it because hey a "real man" wouldn't have a problem with a woman checking his intimate body parts right? Hell he should want he to get a look at them. Well the problem is doing so basically guarantees that the issue will continue unquestioned.

Yeah that's not gonna fly with me anymore. If something doesn't feel right I say so. If I'd rather talk to or be handled by a guy I speak up.

Even if the clinic doesn't have any male staff the very least they can do if they have any respect for you as a man and a person is to acknowledge your discomfort and hesitation and try to earn your trust.

I don't think its an intentional fault of nursing staff to think that men just don't have a sense of modesty. In fact nursing staff gets informed of this from the same source that nearly everyone else does.

Traditional gender roles.

You know those roles that say men are fearless, never uncomfortable, never are embarrassed about anything, and never need a helping hand. 

Just like with other people that are working their way through fighting off the old gender roles men can certainly use a helping hand.
What can you do to ease the embarrassment, or at least not make it worse?  Ask him if he’d prefer your male co-worker do the intimate procedure.  Knock and ask if it is OK to enter the room.  Close the door or pull the curtain.  Kick anyone out that doesn’t need to be there; don’t turn it into a spectator sport.  Ask for an OK before bringing a student into the room and properly introduce them, including what exactly they are.  Use a sheet to keep the genitals covered before you pull the gown up to examine the abdomen.  Ask before lifting the gown to check the catheter.  Basically give him the same consideration you’d want your Dad, brother, husband, boyfriend, or son given in the same circumstance.
And gentleman one more word of advice.

In the event that you find yourself wanting that helping hand don't be scared to ask. If someone violates your space speak up. If you'd rather have a guy work on something or examine something for you, don't be silent about it. Remember this one thing:


Sunday, March 26, 2017

Mashup - March 26, 2017

Got Links?

Battle Of The Boobs - Damn shame that some portions of feminism seem to be so preoccupied with infighting and dominance. The movement has done a lot of good.

5 Ways The MRA Indoctrinates New Members With Cult Tactics - More like, "5 Ways To Show You Don't Know What The MRM Is About".

Alan DeSousa barred from running for federal Liberals, no reason given - When you absolutely positively want to prove that you are pro equality and need to make sure only a woman wins. Accept no substitutes.

Female rapes disabled student then gets him expelled, university fires his dad - I have always found it odd that the "believe the victim" and "OMG Rape Culture!!!" crowds are awfully silent when cases like this come around.

Student Sues Pennsylvania School Over Transgender Policy - After Obama-era regulations were rolled back, it is up to the states to interpret anti-discrimination laws when deciding how students can use school facilities.

Unwanted child is no grounds to sue mum for lying about taking the pill: court - So its okay for a woman to lie about being on the pill but its a crime for a man to take his condom off during sex? Good to know.

Karen Straughan tackles a one-sided CBC interview about men’s rights - Okay so the best person to interview about a documentary about the men's rights movie isn't the person who made the movie, members of the men's rights movement, or at least someone who has seen the film. No the best person for that is someone who is opposed to the MRM and has most likely never seen the film. I tell you what I'm glad "The Red Pill" documentary came along because it has show plain as day that feminists have a pretty irrational hatred and fear of the MRM. They are willing to straight up lie about the movie in order to stop people from seeing it. They are scared.

Battered Men: The Hidden Hurt - Tell me again about men don't face any institutional oppressions. Tell me about how domestic violence protections support men equally to women. Tell me how men would get help only if they asked.

‘Raped Black Male’ talks survival in new memoir - The 32-year-old inner city science fiction writer’s work took an unexpected turn when he decided his sixth book, Raped Black Male would be a memoir about his darkest experiences of being sexually abused as a child.

Never played a Final Fantasy game before? Here's some advice 
on picking a title to start with by SuperButterBuns

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Weekly Mashup - March 5, 2017

Hi folks. I'm still alive and kicking. Haven't posted in a while but I want you to know that I am still clawing my way back up.

'I know they are going to die.' This foster father takes in only terminally ill children - Leading off with this because its amazing how rarely men doing good work actually gets the spotlight. If this guy had killed a foster child he would have been front page news all over the country.

Male Students Losing Everything On Mere Accusation - My money says is it will take a woman being punished for a crime after it's been determined there wasn't enough evidence to charge her with said crime before this is acknowledged.

Stop Pretending Melania Trump Is A Victim - Yeah if we could stop pretending Melania is a victim of abuse for a chance to trash and insult Donald that would be great. If the people saying this shit had actual evidence they would actually use it. Rest assured they aren't in this to help Melania they just want to take shots at Donald.

Amherst Student Expelled for Sexual Misconduct Can’t Defend Himself—It Would ‘Impose Psychological Trauma’ on Accuser - This is scary. The guy was blocked from defending himself because it would traumatize the accuser, and then he was punished.

A horribly bullied teen committed suicide. Now his former Dairy Queen boss has been charged with involuntary manslaughter - To hell with this bully.

ECU alum serves as advocate for sextrafficking victims - "Restore One is a ministry centered on providing recovery resources for male survivors of domestic minor sex trafficking (DMST) who are between the ages of 12 and 18. The main goal of the organization is to give the boys a shelter where they can grow together in a community."

Teacher, 70, Forced to Retire After Displaying Confederate Flag During Civil War Lesson - I don't think it makes sense to try to fire a teach for hanging the Confederate flag in the specific context of teaching history. Yes the flag is a symbol of racism but kids need to learn what it is.

Toxic masculinity: Will the 'war on men' only backfire? - Of course it will. Its going to backfire because instead of uniting around building everyone up people are uniting around tearing down men.

Unemployment Makes Men in Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova Vulnerable to Human Trafficking - “The number of men who are falling prey to traffickers in the region may be significantly higher than reported, as many do not ask for assistance,” said Manfred Profazi, Chief of the IOM Mission in Ukraine. “The aim of the research was to better understand the situation with trafficking in men in Ukraine, Belarus and Moldova, in order to enhance their response to the issue.”

Justice System Discrimination and the Myth That Sexism Against Men Isn’t “Institutional” - So if sexism against men doesn't exist because its not institutional but there is proof of institutional mistreatment of men then what does that mean?

Have a good week people!