Happy Father's Day!!!

To all the fathers that are doing what needs to be done.

To all the fathers that are doing right by their children.

To all the fathers that are doing their part to make sure today's children becomes tomorrow's adults.

Thanks.

Thanks for doing what you do.

Happy Father's Day.

What's the purpose of fathers you ask?

As per the usual method of operation when Father's Day approaches folks just can't get their fill of stories that do everything from questioning fathers to outright dismissing them. Well this year the New York Time took a swing at it.

"What Are Fathers For?"
Just who in the hell do they think they are asking some stuff like that?

Have we really gotten to the point were now that fathers aren't expected to fulfill their traditional scripts we have to justify their existence?

They start off the discussion by asking, "We’re approaching the holiday that celebrates dads, but do fathers bring anything unique to the table?"

Why do they need to bring anything unique to the table in the first place? From what I understand the advent of women taking on a larger role in the workplace showed us one thing. Women's roles in the family were not limited to the subset of family tasks collectively (and probably sexistly) known as "woman's work". They can do whatever jobs and roles that are needed in just about any given family.

So why aren't fathers afforded that same courtesy? Other than the obvious of bearing children is there any task that (most) fathers are somehow incapable of? They can be internal providers (as in providing the care that's needed inside the home). They can be external providers (as in providing the care that's needed from outside the home). Yes men have been locked down in the role of the external provider for a long time but times are changing and there is no need for us to be limited like that anymore.

What good are they now? Well there's plenty to be done in any modern family unless someone wants to argue that women are quite literally better off doing it all alone (yes I know they CAN do it alone but that doesn't mean we need to start pushing dads away just yet).

Particularly the Michele Weldon portion of that debate bothered me because she seems to think that by promoting fatherhood and trying to get fathers into children's lives groups and organizations are advocating for abusive/neglectful/unfit dads to be in their kids lives.

This is bullshit.

Oh and at the end she brings up the old Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode where Will's dad appears, promises to take him with him, and then abandons him again:

In time for Father’s Day movie bonding, Will Smith stars in “After Earth” with his real-life son, Jaden. But a 1994 episode of “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” shows a much younger Will Smith in a scene that is more real to many American boys. The Smith character’s father runs out on a promise to take his son on a trip, and Smith shouts: “I’m gonna get through college without him. I’m gonna get a great job without him and marry me a beautiful honey and have me a whole bunch of kids. And I’m gonna be a better father than he ever was.” And then he chokes, “How come he don’t want me, man?”

I know there is no possible answer to that question. But I also know it is time to stop damning the children who need to ask.

If she is trying to use this as evidence that dads really aren't worth then I wonder if she was paying attention to the rest of the series. Hell was she even paying attention to the rest of that scene. Throughout the series despite all the back and forth he had with him Will acknowledged Uncle Phil as the man that helped him become a man.

Yes there are bad dads out there. Bad dads that don't give a man about the children they helped create. Bad dads that run out on their responsibilities. Those are not the dads that those organizations advocate for.

Those are the kinds of dads we push for. Those are the kinds of dads that need to be in children's lives. Those are the kinds of dads that we need to produce for the future.

But thankfully there are other responses that are more uplifting (I especially like W. Bradford Wilcox's "Fathers are not Fungible" response).

Overall I think even asking this question sort of confirms the sexist notion that dads really are only good for their wallets and now that that is not necessary anymore we have to act like they are now useless.

And make sure you go give a read to the more thorough response by Scott Behson at Good Men Project (at the least read up his challenges to the "In almost half the American households with children, mothers are the sole or primary breadwinners. " claim at the start of the debate).

Over some cereal? On the real?

1. Little girl getting curious over the health benefits of cereal.

2. Mom dropping that knowledge.

3. Little girl walking away with that, "Yeah I just did good." look on her face like a boss.

4. Dad waking up to see his daughter is trying to help him out.

Done.

I'm not sure where all this racial bullshit is coming but I do know this:

You're wrong. Shut the fuck up.

I'm out.

Why the bad taste?

So Alyssa Royse has a post up at Good Men Project titled, "The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality". In this post Alyssa talks about, well, what's dangerous about demonizing male sexuality. It's a good post and you should give it a read however I think there are some things around the end of the post that could (and has) left a less than nice taste in the mouths of some of the guys reading it.

Near the end of the post Alyssa asks:

So, how can we all work together to change our collective impression of male sexuality as something that is dangerous and disgusting? Besides the obvious—understanding male privilege, dismantling of patriarchal mythology and ending rape culture? Those issues are far too big for me to take on here, but without accomplishing those three, nothing changes. So while we work toward those goals, here are some steps to take along that path:

Okay since she chose to not touch on those three in her post I'll leave them be for now as well. Let's take a look at her steps.

1. Be an ally. Help us stop the violence against women. I am assuming that none of you would do what happened in Stubenville, but would you have helped stop it? Have you been vocal about how wrong it was? About how that should not represent you or your sexuality? From a societal perspective, we need your help. From a personal perspective, when we feel safe, we let our guards down, and that’s the first step to an intimate connection.

2. Ask women what they want, and listen to what they tell you. We are all different; we all want different things from the men in our life. Rather than getting lost in a frustrated guessing game, ask us. Listen to our answers. Tell us what you want, with words, and listen to our responses. Whether it’s sex or any other relationship, the best way to not be seen as predatory is to not act like a predator. And that means communication, not acquisition. Which, by the way, is also called consent. “Yes” is the safest word of all.

3. Let us in, don’t lure us in. Lay off the cologne, the pick-up lines, and the games. Please. Trust that you do not need to trick people into wanting you. Trust that you are worthy, just as you are. And that you deserve someone who wants you for who you actually are, how you actually are.

4. Don’t take it personally. Your self worth is in no way connected to whether or not some girl (or guy) wants you. I am constantly telling people to “Consider Cilantro.” (Seriously, I need that on a t-shirt.) Some people love cilantro. Some people think that cilantro tastes like tinfoil soaked in dish soap. That in no way reflects on the worthiness of cilantro. And cilantro never takes it personally. If you can, don’t even think of it as rejection, you are just cilantro sometimes. After all, you’re not attracted to every person you meet, why would every person you meet be attracted to you?

5. And lastly,know that your body is beautiful. I, like most females, was warned that penises and balls and anuses were gross. I was told to hold my nose, close my eyes, get it over with. Imagine my disappointment when I saw my first penis and there were no festering boils hissing my name, no sulfurous clouds wafting up from a menacing member. I thought it was kind of cute. As I learned more about them, I grew to love them, in and out. Hell, there are times when I was sure I heard angels giving hummers on high when I’ve see one. Most of us straight chicks really like your bodies. You don’t need to trick us into liking them. That is what makes us straight, after all.

However, they are not lures, and we are not fish. Do not, ever, show them to us unless we ask for it. The bonus for you is that when we ask for it, it’s because we want it, so you aren’t really risking rejection at that point, Mr. Cilantro.

There's not a whole lot I would disagree with here (well I do have things to say about 1, 4, and 5 but I'll let them go for now). Yes I fully agree that for the most part the steps she has listed out here are things that need to be undertaken by men in order to work on the impression of male sexuality.

But do you notice something?

She goes from a general call for everyone to work towards changing our collective impression of male sexuality as dirty and negative to a list of steps for men to follow to work towards changing our collective impression of male sexuality as dirty and negative.

Now since men make up a part of the collective we that Alyssa speaks of that means there are going to be things that we have to do in order for this change to happen. It wouldn't be right for men to sit back and just wait for the change to happen. However at the same time doesn't this set up for women to sit back and just wait for the change to happen?

Its entirely possible that somewhere out there on the net Alyssa has a similar post with a list of steps for women to take or maybe she doesn't. Maybe she thinks that there are some exact things that women could be doing and just didn't list them? Who knows.

But one thing I do know. as far as this post at Good Men Project is concerned, is that as long as the calls for unity keep coming in the form of one sided steps and tips, it won't be much wonder that readers may be left with a bad taste in their mouth.

(Edit: When you get a chance head into the comments where Alyssa does address this.)

I went back to the comments today and found a pretty heartwarming comment. Commentor Shannon asks:

I loved this article. Although I do agree with most of the commenters that the second half of the article is a lot of what we’ve all heard a million times. And I get everyone’s frustration that the burden of dismantling “rape culture” (or whatever you want to call it) seems to be placed exclusively in men’s hands. I think this is bullshit.

I’m a female and here is my question: What can women do?

A lot of what is said in this post is a great start. (The parts about accepting and embracing men’s sexuality as healthy, non-predatory and non-scary)

I understand why sentiments like the ones expressed in the second half of the post are ill-received. It’s condescending, it trivializes the struggles that men face and the vast majority of men are decent guys who already know this stuff. I just feel like I rarely hear sound advice for how women can help. Its not sarcasm, it’s an honest question. Can we have a post about that?

I say we take the time to answer her. Let's be honest its not too often that women reach to men and actually ask for what we have to say so I say we jump on it.

What you guys? In the efforts to change the demonic, dirty, and nasty image that has been painted of male sexuality what can women do?

Cooking with Danny Stage 11

Wow has it really been three months since my last entry? I'm getting soft. Its not I haven't been cooking at all lately its just that I have not been making anything noteworthy until very recently.

You know what freezes well? Homemade spaghetti sauce. The exact recipe changes from time to time but for the most part this is what I use:

3 cans of tomato sauce

1 can of tomato paste

2-3 roma tomatoes (I use those because they are more firm that other tomatoes so they hold up better when the sauce if frozen) diced

1 lb of ground beef or turkey

1 8oz pk of mushrooms

1 medium onion diced

2-4 cloves of garlic chopped

Crushed Red Pepper

Black Pepper

Thyme

Rosemary

Start off with the tomato paste, tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, red pepper, black pepper, thyme, and rosemary in a large pot (at least 4 qt) on the lowest setting on the back of the stove.

In a skillet cook the onions to the desired doneness and add them to the pot.

Brown your meat and add it to the pot.

Turn the pot up to medium and let it go for about 20 minutes. Remove the pot from the heat and add the garlic. I add the garlic at the end because garlic is pretty easy to burn.

You can serve it over noodles and whatever is left you can freeze in ziploc bags for later. I did this about a month ago and from some of the leftovers. Fast forward to last week and I needed something for dinner one night. Here's what I did.


Baked Penne

Preheat your oven to about 350

Enough penne pasta for about 2 servings, cooked as instructed on the box

Shredded cheese (the picture below is a mix of Mozzarella and Provolone)

About 3 cups of spaghetti sauce resurrected from the depths of the freezer

In a large bowl mix the penne and sauce.

In a small casserole dish cover the bottom with a layer of pasta/sauce, sprinkle a layer of cheese, a layer of pasta/sauce, and top it off with a layer of cheese.

Bake it for about 20 minutes and you are good to go on some Baked Penne.

Enjoy!!!