Friday, June 29, 2012

Musings of a Vengeful Spirit - Poisoned Tongue

Last time I talked about how, after the mind has been poisoned, one can have their speech, hearing, and sight altered without even realizing it in a desire to lash out. Let's look at the main weapon of that lashing, the tongue.

When you go looking for an argument you can say some of the meanest things. Mean things that you probably wouldn't have said otherwise. Things that under other circumstances (aka a cool head that is not poisoned) not only would you not say them but would probably say something against someone who does.

This can be quite destructive. When you're spewing venom like that chances are you simply do not care who you're talking to, how you offend them, or how much you hurt them. Actually you might care, you might actually enjoy those things.

Conversations being shut down.

Efforts at joining forces shut down.

Chances at at least understanding each other shut down.

See what I'm getting at? Lots of opportunity lost.

From here we end up with just a bunch of pissed off people and people they have pissed off and or driven away.

In the next post I'm going to take a quick look at an old adage about revenge (and go against my use of poison for this series).

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Weekly Mashup - Muay Thai Style

Bruce vs Sagat

Got a link you want to share?
Want to spark some discussion?
Need a place to talk about something that wouldn't be welcome else where?
Then come over to the Ethecofem Forums!!!

Why Can’t Jay Smooth Support Both Men’s Rights and Anita Sarkeesian?

DA Blocks Secret Meetings of DV Council: What exactly is there to gain by denying men out of the discussion on DV? And make no mistake this isn't men not trying to speak up, not these are men that have tried to speak up and are being blocked. And even if men were included why are the meetings being blocked from access in the first place?

TSA: Retired Crotch-Grabber Protests Her Crotch-Grabbing: Who gropes the gropers?

Katikati man fights for fathers’ rights: It's not right that parents are able to use children this way. Good to see that someone is fighting it.

Wife hired hitmen to kill husband: I wonder if hiring hitters to take out one's spouse figures into domestic violence stats...

The Irony of Low Self-Esteem: Clarissa is curious about how low self esteem works.

Psychic guilty: Karl Lang 'preyed' on sex victims: I'm not trying to say that no crime was committed but I'm not sure if it could be said that he had sex with them without consent.

N.C. Senate rejects plan to compensate state sterilization victims: I can't wait to see what better uses that money goes to.

Southern Baptists: Gay Rights Are Not Civil Rights: From wiki: "Civil and political rights are a class of rights that protect individuals' freedom from unwarranted infringement by governments and private organizations, and ensure one's ability to participate in the civil and political life of the state without discrimination or repression." So how exactly does that no include gay people?

Nina Paley Explains Intellectual Disobedience

Tiny Darth Vader leaves hospital after heart surgery: The Force is strong in this one.

The advantage of not throwing your blog in the trash: "And one more thing. I don’t stand by everything I’ve ever said. I don’t agree with everything that comes out of my mouth, and I’m glad I don’t. Life is so much more interesting when you can change your mind from time to time."

Ontario Court: Father’s Right to Contact with Daughter not Worthy of Protection: There is no question that stories like this contribute to an atmosphere where fathers are not present in their children's lives. But we don't hear about that. No it's "fathers aren't doing their part.", never "why are mothers keeping fathers from doing their part?". It's hypocritical to support a mother's actions to keep a child from their father without good reason but then want to point a finger of blame at the father for not being there.

Sandusky found guilty of 45 counts

A pretty funny parody of this video.

See you folks next week!

Friday, June 22, 2012

So combatting prison rape is too expensive?

So I just had the pleasure of reading a report from the American Action Forum that the Department of Justices plan to do something about rape and other sex crimes in prison is too costly. I went and read some of the plan from the Dept. of Justice. Here are some of the things that are being deemed too costly.
On Transgender and Intersex Imates:

In deciding whether to assign a transgender or intersex inmate to a facility for male or female inmates, and in making other housing and programming assignments, an agency may not simply assign the inmate to a facility based on genital status. Rather, the agency must consider on a case-by-case basis whether a placement would ensure the inmate's health and safety, and whether the placement would present management or security problems, giving serious consideration to the inmate's own views regarding his or her own safety. In addition, transgender and intersex inmates must be given the opportunity to shower separately from other inmates.

On The Definition of Abuse By Staff:

With regard to abuse by staff, the proposed rule included contact between the penis and the vulva or anus; contact between the mouth and the penis, vulva, or anus; penetration of the anal or genital opening; and “[a]ny other intentional touching, either directly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or the buttocks of any person with the intent to abuse, arouse, or gratify sexual desire.”

On Female Staff/Male Inmate Pat Downs:

In general, agency commenters supported the proposed standard as written regarding cross-gender searches. Several State correctional agencies remarked that prohibiting cross-gender pat-down searches of female inmates was feasible, but that it would be difficult to extend a cross-gender ban to male inmates. Other agency commenters stated that the training requirement would address any problems with cross-gender searches.
Now I can understand being mindful of costs when implementing something, especially when its millions of dollars on the line. But considering that millions of dollars get tossed to other things like that whole War on Drugs, the War Against Terror, and all sorts of gadgets and weapons used in these wars, is it really that hard to consider helping out sex abuse victims in prison?

A part of me wonder is this is stemming from the idea that prison rape is funny or that it is something that inmates deserve to suffer (and of course most of those condemnations are against male inmates).

Have we gotten to the point where people care so little about inmates that we put a price tag on their safety?

(Fro tip to Good Men Project.)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Anita Blake: Hypocritical sexist?

So over the last few weeks I've been listening to the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. I just got to book 4 and I noticed something.

Part of the way into book four Anita is cornered by a group of lycanthropes (were-creatures) and she prepares to shoot the one closest to her, a woman. She considers aiming for her arm but doesn't because the rounds in her gun can take off a limb and she didn't know if they could heal from amputation. Bear this reason in mind for a bit.

Instead of shooting her she instead shoots a male lycanthrope behind the first one, in his guts. Okay you're probably thinking that she shot him in the gut thinking that he could heal right? Well she decided to shoot one in the first place in hopes that the others would attack the injured one (think like how a in a group of sharks if one is bleeding the others will attack it).

So with her plan to shoot one as a distraction to get the others off her by having them attack (and almost certainly kill) the injured one she skips over a woman and shoots a man because she was worried about amputation? She didn't have a problem with one of them getting mauled to death but amputation was just crossing the fucking line I guess.

I've noticed little things like this throughout these books so far. There are more than a few times where the Anita Blake character will on one hand make some grand display in which she shows that she can "hang with the boys" but on the other will do things to "the boys" that she would not to do "the girls".

Hamilton seems to go from "women's empowerment" to "to hell with men" like a swinging pendulum.

It's a damn good thing that I'm not re-buying these books.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

This is what feminism is talking about

So lately I've been trying to return from the darkness so to speak. Well one step has been to try to give another shot at trying to talk to feminists (yes I said another). Thankfully unlike earlier efforts that resulted in my mostly crossing paths with condescending snobs I'm actually coming across some good ones now. Enough that I think it might be worth reviving something I used to do in the past.

Meet George Tierney of Greenville South Carolina. George has two problems.

First he thinks that its a good idea to refer to the mouth of Sandra Fluke (I'm not going into her story, its easily findable on the net by now) a "dick sucker". Now obviously most people would never reduce a woman to her capacity to give oral sex. But it would seem that George here either didn't learn it or something happened and he forgot it or actively chose to ignore this and just be rude. Whatever.

Most people would never do this because most people actually do have some respect for women. George is apparently not most people.

Second he thinks that he can someone how make the internet give his harsh words back. Yeah just take a moment to laugh.

Back? Good let's continue.

Even on my darkest day I always kept in mind that feminists had a reason to exist. And this guy just proved it.

Four Years....I think I'm finally making progress

So my corner turns four today. It's been an interesting time of late. Lots of moving and shaking. I've been guest posting at various places (namely Womanist Musings and becoming a regular at Good Men Project). In effect I have managed to branch out a bit more. Branching with what you ask? Well let me review a sampling from the last year.

The Armor of Contradictions: How useful is it to give women armor that doesn't actually cover them, much less protect them?

Question About Porn?: The beginning of a short series about porn.

I'm Keeping a Running Tab: Watching a few feminists clamor to capitalize on the violence that Anders Breivik committed last year.

Oh You Don't Get it? Allow Me To Explain...: Taking a moment to explain to folks why "Oh but I use that word with others like you so its okay.", doesn't fly as far as they think.

Male Responsibility and Support of Children: Where I start to lose faith in the idea that child support is really about supporting the child.

I Find His Lack Of Faith Disturbing....: Is it really worth arguing over if Star Trek is better than Star Wars?

Yes. Oh Yes. Oh Fuck Yes!!!: More birth control options are a good idea right?

Men Act, Women Are Acted Upon: A look at how men and women are portrayed differently in media.

Can A Picture Really Say That Many Words?: My take on a rather popular picture about the "Friend Zone" phenomenon.

Heartless Night Owl: A few words on the rise and fall of and it's main brain, Hunter Mooore.

A Wicked Web Indeed: Has it really gotten to the point where we have given people a free pass on making false rape accusations against people?

A Selfish Act?: Thinking about suicide.

Curves (or lack of curves) Don't Make The Woman: It's not about holding one type of beauty above all others as the ideal. It's about getting rid of the very idea that there must be one ideal.

But at the same time things have gotten complicated for me.

I've started to come to terms for my raging desires to strike those who have struck me.

I began examining this odd Spiral of Despir I find myself trapped in.

In short I'm damaged and it's going to take something deep and personal to fix me. But I have no idea where its going to come from. It's funny. I wanted to get my feelers out and work with more people but in doing so I see that I'm just fucked up.

There's no telling what the next year on this blog will bring. Let us hope that it brings something good and useful.

Take it easy people!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Weekly Mashup - Spillover Style

This is just stuff I had in my Google Reader (that I didn't go into when I made yesterday's Weekly Mashup).

Anthem BCBS Decides Boy Who Can't Sit Up On His Own Doesn't Need A Wheelchair

Mom Murders 4 Kids; Article Suggests Decade-Old Incident as Cause: Isn't it odd when a mother does something like this people reach for straws to explain "what made her do it" but when a father does something like this no such effort is made?

What? A remix of a remix? If someone makes an electronic remix of this the circle will be complete.

An abiding contempt for government and governing: Goodness it's like the only time you can get a straight answer is when talking about "defending" marriage.

House approves bill that weakens Racial Justice Act: So about that whole racial justice thing....

Same-sex couples sue over adoption rights in North Carolina

Is it really that bad for children to start learning about sex (or at least sex other than PIV)?

EA Believes That Making A Lot Of Money Is Less Important Than Keeping Games Expensive So apparently it's better to sell one copy at $100 a pop than to sell 20 copies at $10 a pop. All for the sake of making sure the intellectual property doesn't get too cheap.

Cutting compulsion affects kids as young as 7, study finds: Self injury at such an early age?

Anita Blake: Faux Champion of Sexual Agency

Vets denied access to war memorial:This bothers me a lot. I'm all for the president having his press moment but he is nowhere near important enough to have priority over the people that visit that wall for mourn friends, comrades in battle, and family.

Gay Dads JC Penney Ad

Not really seeing a problem with gay dads in advertising. Don't they shop just like straight dads?

Absent Hearts and Grown Fondness

"Sometimes its better to have distance between yourself and those you love."
(Originally submitted to Good Men Project, awaiting approval.)

When I was a young man my father was (and still is) a Correctional Officer that worked by night and slept by day. Before that he was a cop that worked (mostly) by night and slept by day. Before that he was a commercial fisherman, away for several days at a time.

Point being my dad wasn't around a whole lot in my daily everyday life, at least not physically. Sometimes it felt like the only time I had contact with him was when he was admonishing me for something I had done.

Maybe all that time apart resulted in the relationship that we have now.

Simply put we barely talk to each other, we could make an argument out of almost anything, and I'll admit the thought of getting away from him was a big factor in my moving a few months ago.

I think by some odd combination of the separation from earlier in my life and my own weird mental/emotional make up I actually get along better with him when I'm actually not around him.

Good News: We haven't had an argument in months.

Bad News: Well its hard to have an argument with someone when you might talk to them 3-4 times a month.

I've learned a lot from him ranging from some of my cooking skills, how to manage money, and how to tough things out when they get rough. But for some reason its just better if we are not together constantly.

And while I love the man to death and would like to be all sentimental and say that if I could change our relationship, I wouldn't. It's what works for us. We talk occasionally and get together occasionally. And that's fine.

I guess the point is we all have to form the type of relationships with our parents that work for us. Thankfully I was able to form one that works fine.

Once a week, once a month, a few times a year. However you manage your relationship with your dad just make sure you actually have one if you can.

What a day indeed. A small chunk of time set aside to appreciate the man that raised us. I know that a lot of you out there don't have such a person to thank on this day and I am truly sorry for that. Also I am sorry for many fathers and children that will not get to see each other.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Weekly Mashup - Wolfwood Style

When you're that cool it doesn't matter how bad smoking is.

Got a link you want to share?
Want to spark some discussion?
Need a place to talk about something that wouldn't be welcome else where?
Then come over to the Ethecofem Forums!!!

The “Men are Dogs” Double Bind: As men we simultaneously picky to the point of expressing various -isms AND so overcome with lust we can't help ourselves?

And the Girl: A Comic by Kari McElroy (NSFW): A preview of an upcoming web comic (I guess you would call it that).

Gender and the Framing of Suicide

Scores in N.C. are legally 'innocent,' yet still imprisoned: Because its better to keep men in prison for a crime that didn't legally commit than to let them out and make room for some real villains.

How Do You Actually Let Go of the Past?: A little advice on letting go of the pain.

Swedish Left Party Chapter Wants To Make Urinating While Standing Illegal For Men: TMI or not but here's what I do. When I go to the bathroom I take some toilet paper with and shake into the toilet paper so I don't have to worry about leaving puddles. Solved. But seriously if those folks god nothing better to do that try to legislate how men pee then maybe they should just go home or something.

Sex, olive oil flap sends PSL woman to slammer: That's just terrible. Yeah he's a jerk for cheating on her but that doesn't justify partner violence.

Call for Blogging Requests: Clarissa is looking for blogging topics.

Real-money auctions launch in Diablo III: If I had $200 to spare and wanted a sword I'd be using it for a down payment on having a real god damn sword crafted. $200 for something in a game? Fuck that.

Parents' right to see children after divorce will be enshrined in law: I'll be the first to say that when the parent child relationship is unfairly interfered with by the other parent (usually mom busting up the father/child relationship) but I'm not too keen on trying to make it a crime in and of itself. But the thing is (at least in the States, and this story is in the UK) there are already supposed to be penalties in place for this right? Why not just actually enforce them?

Barnes & Noble: Ebooks Should Be Expensive So Amazon Won't Kill Us And Make Ebooks Expensive: Goodness maybe I did choose poorly when I bought my Nook.

Jailed 26 Years for Murder of Wife, Daughters, Michigan Man Cleared of Charges: Another man set free. It's horrible that he had so many of years taken from him though.

TSA: This Is What Should Be Happening At Airport Checkpoints
: I see TSA still has that security thing on lock.

Single fathers unite to voice their concerns about benefits in Japan: For the people that think fathers aren't pulling their weight. And the fact that these are Japanese men is awesome. Most people are too busy going on about how society is all about men that they don't even notice that there are a hell of a lot men out there getting stepped on.

Builder, 42, wins five-figure payout from the police after being beaten and dragged into the street: And it only took six years. (Warning that link will take you right into some pretty graphic photos of the victim.)

Sexual violence in public schools: "Saying that these women are emotionally immature and that abused boys will become abusers plays into the women as perpetual victims meme. Many people who abuse children are emotionally immature, but that does not stop them from understanding that their actions are wrong. We do not excuse men who are emotionally immature who prey on children, so we should not give women that excuse."

"I can’t imagine what my own life would be like if fandom hadn’t shaped it the way it did...": I can imagine it alright. I'll come back to this later.

Why Sexual Objectification Pushed Soul Singer D'Angelo to Leave Music: A story of the sexual objectification that really needs to be told (and told without someone whining about how women have it worse or that it doesn't happen to men that often).

The Tuna Helpers - Blueberry Head

Take it easy people!

Friday, June 15, 2012

So about those other 38 people....

United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said on Thursday that U.N. monitors were shot at trying to get to the scene of the latest Syrian massacre in which at least 78 villagers were allegedly slaughtered by forces loyal to President Bashar al-Assad.

Opposition activists said up to 40 women and children were among the dead in Mazraat al-Qubeir, near Hama, on Wednesday, posting film on the Internet of bloodied or charred bodies.
Among the dead were 40 women and children. Again, as in Houla, the images are chilling
Opposition activists said up to 40 women and children were among those killed in the Sunni Muslim village of Mazraat al-Qubeir on Wednesday, posting film on the Internet of bloodied or charred bodies.
So as we can see from some of the larger media outlets out of the approximately 78 people that were killed only about half of them were worth pointing out specifically. Which half? The women and children of course.

This is an appeal to emotion. The deaths of women and children are supposed to pull an extra heart string or two and that pulling has become a Pavlovian bell. Talk about the women and children being hurt and you're sure to really get your point across. Of course that comes at the cost of basically saying that the lives of men, even civilian men, don't matter.

And I'm not the first person to notice this.

Oh what's this? The Obama Administration classifies all military aged males as combatants and targets them for death as such?

Valuing one sort of life over another (whether that sort is cut along gender, religion, or whatever) is f'd up to say the least. You want to know why men feel like they don't matter? A lot of it has to do with stuff like this. Seeing men targeted for death based on nothing more than being a male of a certain age and/or having your death just left as a number because you're male isn't not a good feeling.

But I'm sure this won't stop people from pretending this stuff doesn't happen and that men really don't have it that bad.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Don't Let Comfort Women Be Forgotten

(This post is talking about rape. Tread carefully.)

Comfort Women Memorial in Palisades Park, New Jersey,
that Japanese officials have attempted to have removed.

If you have ever been here before you now I'm a fan of anime, Japanese animation. Yes it's a great creation from the Far East. However I don't want to pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows there. In Japan's past is a series of extremely horrible crimes.

Are you familiar with the story of Comfort Women? For those who are not during World War II (roughly 1930 - 1945) Japanese military forces kidnapped approximately 200,000 Korean women and girls. What happened to these women and girls is probably one of the largest (in terms of victims) acts of sexual slavery to every occur. These women and girls were forced held against their will and used for the "comfort" of the Japanese military forces.

Like many nations that try to keep its skeletons in the closet Japan as a whole has selectively downplayed this atrocity over the past several decades. Such actions have included not officially acknowledging that it happened, refusing to pay the surviving women any compensation, and some extremists actively deny that it ever happened (much like Holocaust deniers).

With this happening several decades ago the majority of the survivors have already passed on and time is rapidly running out for the rest. Just to give you an idea:

Let's be generous and say we are talking about a girl that was 15 years old when she was kidnapped in 1945, at the end of the war. 2012-1945 = 67 years ago. That 15 year old girl would be 82 years old now.

I would not be surprised if Japanese officials are actually waiting for the last of the survivors to die in hopes that their stories, pain, and survival will die with them.

That should not be allowed to happen.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A Good Man Indeed Stage 8

Good dads aren't exactly running rampant throughout the worlds of tv, movie, and commercial so when one comes up we have to point him out. This is an ad for an Mass Mutual, an insurance company.

A dad that is raising two young daughters and expressing his worries about making sure they will be alright. And single at that. How can that now be anything but good?

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Weekly Mashup - Nursing Style

Would you let them take your temperature?

Got a link you want to share?
Want to spark some discussion?
Need a place to talk about something that wouldn't be welcome else where?
Then come over to the Ethecofem Forums!!!

Not Quite In Charge, But Working On It: The closing post on my guest editing spot for the Men and Body Image series at Good Men Project.

#46: Caretaker: A reminder that there are good men out there.

NC woman charged with castrating man during fight: Can't wait to hear the "what did he do to make her do it" arguing.

Boy Scouts to review ban on gays: That would be a good thing.

Elderly Sex Expert Introduces Libido-Friendly Wine Line: Um...why not just drink less wine?

Barnes & Noble apologizes to Scottsdale man forced to leave children's section: The ongoing saga of presuming that men are child molesters. It will be a hard time of having men be more active in children's lives when you still have guys getting tossed out of bookstores for just trying to buy a present for their grandkids.

Are men really more unfaithful than women?: Interesting question.

Bulletin Board v165: Weekly Link drop from Toy Soldier, including a porn bust of 23 women. I wonder when the "won't someone think of the children" crowd here in the US get around to talking about it all over the place when even one man is caught in a porn bust.

Tax Break For Businesses Costs $336M In NC: You know I bet when Republicans were so busy working on trying to make sure gay marriage is never acknowledged in NC they could have been working on this instead.

Survivor tells of horror in Syrian village

Male politician slaps woman, warrant is taken out on him.
Woman slaps male politician...?

Business urged to act on male mental health

Daughters of Patriarchal Families: Clarissa talking about the life of daughters trapped under patriarchal influences (and on a good note she does it without denying the way sons are treated).

And Clarissa helped me out with a question I asked early last week.

For Obama, if you’re male and near a terrorist, that makes you guilty. So die.: I'm just glad that more people are noticing what men and MRAs have been saying for a long time now (and no you don't get to say that its all the fault of angry MRAs that not much attention has been paid to this before now).

If Websites Were People: Jezebel

Siouxsie & The Banshees - Cities In Dust.
This shit has been in my head all week.

Next Week!

Friday, June 8, 2012

So do they want men to improve or not?

I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I don't recall where (probably one of my Weekly Mashups) but now that I'm seeing it again I think I want to comment on this a bit.

On one hand I can understand wanting to make sure that if a student organization is created with school funds it has a clear purpose. Obviously no one wants to see money spent on a campus group that is not productive or even becomes counter productive.

Also I totally understand that it would be bad if the school funded a student organization that ultimately hurt people and the school's image. I get that, I really do.

But after watching that video and reading that article something else is clear to me.

These folks are making quite a few presumptions about what this group is going to turn into.

There is the assumption that it will turn into some douches sitting around playing Xbox.

There is the assumption that since men don't face the things that women face a men's group is by default useless.

There is of course the assumption that "the whole world is a men's space" (which I think that the only people that believe that are the few select men who do have the majority of the world as their space and people who aren't men).

There is the demand that men must be inclusive of non-men* (because heaven forbid that men need a safe space as men, no we don't need that because we have it so good right?).

There is also the presumption that it would not be inclusive of all walks of men.

And so forth. But I want to look at something that really lit my fire.

In the article Jeff McCann, Simon Fraser Student Society president, says:
"Once you have a support structure and there is a safe place to talk about things, then you're going to be able to start talking about some of the issues impacting men." One such thing he mentioned was that suicide rates are higher among men than women.

And what does Natasha Clearly-Dulai, maker of the video respond with?
"First of all you need to have a context behind stats. They didn't take into account the fact that the majority of people who try to commit suicide and don't succeed are women," she said. "In any case, issues around mental health impact both genders -- that seems like something that should be in health and counseling. I don't really think it's necessary to have a separate men's centre to address mental health issues."
So instead of acknowledging that men do kill themselves at a higher rate than women she decides to make it all about women instead and THEN tries to make it gender neutral? That's just underhanded.

Oh and if the suicide rates in Canada are like they are in The States what McCann said about men having higher rates of suicide is not misleading nor is it out of context. The numbers clearly say that men kill themselves more often than women. It is true that women attempt suicide more often than men but that is not what he said. He said suicide rates, not attempted suicide rates. In actuality I think its Clearly-Dulai that is taking the stats out of context. Also she says that that doesn't equate a need for men.

Has she never heard about how as men the world expects us to stay quiet about any feelings that aren't rage, happiness, and lust? How we are supposed to suffer in silence when we are depressed? Mental health issues differ for men and women and bet money shouldn't bat an eyelash at the idea of creating a space for women to talk about mental health, but knowing how mental health can differ by gender she doesn't think men need their own space?

Maybe those men need to get together and offer support to each other so they can learn to seek more counseling. No that can't be it. It must be some nefarious plot to harm women.

One other thing that came up in this video was Hegemonic masculinity. Some of the opponents of the center say that a center for men could become a problem is hegemonic masculinity were to take over.

Well maybe, just maybe, instead of starting at worst case scenario perhaps these guys getting together will actually become a force against such destructive masculinity.

Here's the thing. I regularly hear two messages from society. One, men need to get together and do their own work to make themselves better. Two, when men get together its going to be bad for women so men shouldn't have their own spaces (coughcoughzerosumgamecoughcough). So either men need to start coming together and doing work or we should never come together and our problems should be allowed to continue lest women be harmed by men actually coming together on something good for once. They can't have it both ways.

Or are some of them just mad because someone wants to create a space without their input?

Who knows. I've really been trying to curb my hostile ways but then I see some infuriating shit like this.

I suppose some folks would rather see me self destruct (and harm those around me) than find a way to help myself that doesn't require permission from them.

* - To account for all people who don't identify as a man, not just those who identify as women.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Curves (or lack of curves) don't make the woman

Originally posted at Good Men Project

This picture has been making its rounds on the internet for several months by now and I have say that this is a sign that some people may be taking the idea of being fat doesn't make you unattractive a bit too far.

As a person that finds women attractive I don't like the idea that something is wrong with finding skinny women attractive anymore than the idea that something is wrong with finding fat women attractive.

If you look throughout the ages the ideas of what body type of women is the established norm of what is attractive have changed. And just like any established norm those who do not match that ideal are ostracized and left on the fringes.

That's not a good place to be and takes me to what I find a bit wrong with this ad.

The ad asks, "When did this (images of skinny women) become hotter than this (images of not so skinny women)?". I get a tone from that that seems to say that not so skinny women should be the norm of attractiveness over skinny women. This thought only pushes the pendulum to the other direction.

The problem with thinking that skinny women are the established norm for attractiveness isn't that women who are not skinny are left on the out of being considered attractive. The problem is that there is an established norm for attractiveness.

When I look at women I'm not thinking, "Oh this woman is _____ so she can't be attractive.". Yes there are times when I think that a women is not attractive in my own opinion but that doesn't mean that that woman is objectively unattractive. Over the years I've found a wide variety of women to be attractive ranging from what others would say, "Put the fork down and back away from the table!" to "You need some beans and cornbread!" (that being a Southern way of saying, "you need some meat on your bones"). But at the end of the day they are just my opinions. I have my opinion of what is attractive just like anyone else but when dealing with established norms it becomes bigger than just what an individual person finds attractive.

When something becomes the established norm you will have a division where people are either part of the "in group" or "out group". What happens is that the opinions of the in group become the truth rather than just their truth. In other words its cool because the cool kids said it is.

The solution to this is not to just replace one body type with another as the norm but to get rid of the very idea that there should be, or needs to be, a norm in the first place.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Does such a movie exist?

While thinking about the Spiral of Despair a while back I had a thought.

Is there a movie out there that centers around a guy that has no fortune in the realms of relationships/dating/sex and tries to do something about it without said efforts being presented in a comical manner?

I bet I'll have to reach into the past to find such a movie if it exists.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Weekly Mashup - Joking Style

Got a link you want to share?
Want to spark some discussion?
Need a place to talk about something that wouldn't be welcome else where?
Then come over to the Ethecofem Forums!!!

I have two new posts up at Good Men Project:
1. No More Distortions
2. Should Men Be Allowed To Buy Plan B?

My Recent Movie Watching Experience: Clarissa tries to watch some Hollywood movies...and it doesn't go well.

I'm From HR and I'm Here to Help: James Landrith offering some advice to job hunters.

Darth Vader Is The Most Successful Star Wars Character Ever, But Still No Return Of The Jedi Residuals For Actor: It takes some pretty creative math to say that one of the most profitable movies of all times (a part of one of the most profitable movie franchises of all time) has yet to turn a profit.

City Begins Enforcement Of Ban On Outdoor Feeding Programs

Iowa Supreme Court creates “paternity fraud” as a cause of action against mothers who lie: Looks like Iowa is getting its mind right on paternity fraud.

Feminist researchers find female sex offenders get slaps on the wrist

Utah Adoption Council president resigns amid fathers' rights controversy: Thank goodness.

Are you afraid to talk to your doctor?

I Have a Problem with a Gay Green Lantern: I think I might agree on this. I'm all for the idea of gay characters but I'm not sure I like the idea of just rewriting an established character in the name of social justice.

Men With Aggressive Faces Are Secretly Selfless: Could this have something to do with all this shit about presuming that big guys are "teddy bears"?

JCPenney Features ‘Real-Life’ Same-Sex Couple In Fathers’ Day Ad: Not only did they use a gay couple in the ad but gay dads at that. Now that's what I call progress.

'Happy kid' kills himself over bullying at two NYC schools: Another child takes his life due to pressure from bullying.

Syria using rape as weapon against opposition women and men: Beats the usual coverage where rape is presented as something that only happens to women.

Being Shy Is Just a Bad Habit, and You Can Break It With Regular Practice: Dropping shyness like a bad habit?

Some clips from the Judo Demo at Animmazement 2012.

See ya later!