Thursday, March 29, 2012

Advertising a product with rape?

It would seem that are some sick minds working in the advertising department of Belvedere Vodka. That image you see there? Yeah that's an ad that they recently released.

And queue the usual apology.

I don't very much like the implication that as a man (and I bet a lot of other men too) I would drink vodka and then go rape someone and I bet there's women that don't like the idea of seeing a woman about to be raped as an advertisement and I bet there are men that don't like the idea of seeing a woman about to be raped as an advertisement and I bet there are women that don't like the idea that a man is being depicted as a rapist as an advertisement.

Time to ante up and tell these folks this is not funny, hip, responsible, positive, sexy, or anything of that nature.

Tell them how you really feel.

Edit. I got a response from them today:
Thank you for taking the time to write to us. In the past several days, Belvedere Vodka has received a number of emails regarding the offensive post we made on Facebook and Twitter on the afternoon of March 23. Unfortunately I cannot respond personally to each email, but I very much want to respond in some way. Please allow me to do so here.

The post was completely inappropriate and contrary to my values and to the values of our Company, and I would like to apologize personally to you for it. This never should have happened, and both the Company and I are taking the steps necessary to make sure that it never happens again. We deeply regret this lapse.

Belvedere Vodka has made a donation to RAINN, America's largest anti-sexual violence organization, and has committed to working with RAINN on key projects. While this does not, and cannot, change the situation, it is made in the hope that something positive can come from this episode. If you would like to see RAINN’s response, please visit its Facebook page,

Charles Gibb
President, Belvedere Vodka

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Heartless Night Owl

I've been marinating on my internet rage lately. Thinking about how I've taken my legitimate grievances to an unfair level. And just like anyone who is rethinking the path they walk one of the hardest things to see is a person that possibly looks like yourself, only difference being that they have traveled further down the path you yourself were walking. Hunter Moore may be such a man.

Moore is the creator of the so called "revenge porn" site The idea behind revenge porn on this is people getting back at those that have hurt them by posting nude and sexually suggestive pictures of the offending party on the internet for any and all to see. I'm no stranger to the idea of wanting to hurt someone as badly as I've been hurt (in fact its one of the parts of the Scorpio zodiac that actually fit me to a T). Someone does something that hurts and the belief is that hurting them back will make you feel. However while revenge does make you feel better (contrary to what some may say in my experience getting someone back is quite satisfying but I'll get back to that another day) it can lead to rather destructive consequences.

Looking back in his past I think we can see that Moore didn't just wake up and decide to build this site for the public humiliation of others.:
Moore says that when he was 15, he had his heart broken by his first love, a girl named Rachel, and he traces much of what happened in his life since to that seminal moment. “The only way to get to a point where you have no feelings, you have to have your heart ripped out and shit on,” Moore says. “I hate to use the term ‘heartless,’ but you have to have something traumatic happen to get there.”
And that wasn't the end of his troubles:
Several years later, Moore recalls, he was attacked by a fellow employee while working the cash register at a retail store. “A guy at work hired me thinking I was gay and put his hands down my pants in front of a customer while I was ringing them up at a retail store,” Moore says. “I hit him in the nose and then he threw me against the wall—he was about 300 pounds—and dragged me across the floor. I sued the company.” He pauses. “That’s why lawyers don’t really intimidate me, because I’ve been through the wringer a few times.”
After bouncing around different locations and jobs, including some "horrible shit" as he calls it, Moore eventually bought the domain name of and was originally going to use as a review site for night spots. But while having a fling with a woman who was soon to be engaged he got requests to post pictures of said woman and from there history was made.

First off just because I'm sure someone reading this is going to accuse me of trying to say that having his heart broken and being sexually assaulted justifies what he has done with this site. Not the case at all.

I have to say that this scared me a bit. What if I were to continue down the path I was traveling and ended up like that? Posting nude and sexual pictures of people on the net for my own profit and not a care the people that I would undoubtedly be hurting? Sure I can tell myself, "But I'd never stoop that low." but I'm really not sure.

But anyway plain and simple what this guy is doing has gone too far. On one hand I do feel for him over the things that happened to him in the past. I've never been sexually assaulted and I've never been a relationship and got crushed by a partner but from what I've see, heard, and read there is no question that these things are terrible. I wouldn't say that he is motivated by misandry or misogyny but rather he seems to be simply motivated by a hatred that lashes out at anyone. And the fact that people are sending these photos to him for display shows that he is not the only one like this.

When looking at people around me giving in to such hatred, seeing people who have seen the damage and are trying to turn away from it, seeing people who have gone past where I am, seeing people who are on their way to where I was (and possibly beyond) I just wonder what will it take to stop it.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 94

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

AAM to host International Men’s Day: Time to start thinking about International Men's Day.

Trayvon Martin case puts N.C. self-defense law in spotlight: It won't return Trayvon to the loved ones he was taken from but there may be the small comfort of his murder causing states to take a good look at their self defense laws.

Husband Abuse in Zimbabwe: I'm not sure why its titled "Husband Abuse in Zimbabwe" when it seems to be talking about wife against husband abuse in general but it might be worth a read anyway.

Men's Shelter Faces Foreclosure, Founder Cites 'Gender Bias Against Men': Men’s Alternative Safe House, which appears to be Calgary's only shelter for men abused by women, is in danger of being closed down. And it seems the government has no problem with that. (Oh and Jan Reimer, provincial coordinator, Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters (ACWS) plays the usual, "But women have it worse" card.)


How To Respond to Requests for Facebook Passwords From Employers: Clarissa dug up a pretty nice response to employers who are asking for the passwords of Facebook accounts belonging to potential employees.

Filing away the rage: Toy Soldier with a reminder of how easily one can get out of hand on the internet.

Pussy Riot Update: Alleged Members Imprisoned: Okay let me say that I have no problem with the fact that Pussy Riot was protesting. And it looks like they were protesting for political change, I'm all for that too. However it appears that some of their acts of protest included vandalizing a church. So why are people hoping the charges get dropped for reasons ranging from the fact that they were protesting to the fact that some of them are mothers of young children. Just like Thomas Ball, associating yourself with a valid cause does not excuse bad behavior. Or does this mean that the various Occupy factions that are active across the US right now have a greenlight to start destroying property?

Sperm-hunting women sow fear in Zimbabwe: Just plain scary.

Project Unbreakable: A photo project of victims and the quotes their rapists used.

Rally photos: "I am Trayvon Martin": Daisy at a Justice for Trayvon Martin rally.

The artist is Hamid Baroudi but from what I can tell the name of the song is not Trance Dance. Any idea what it might be?

Be nice ya'll!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Trayvon Martin and why black males distrust cops

Image from Black Snob.

Sean Bell. Oscar Grant. Trayvon Martin.

These names (and no doubt countless others that just don't become high profile cases) bear witness to the fact that when it comes to black males we are still regarded as the biggest threat to ever walk the face of the United States.

All three of these black males were killed under circumstances that were not just simply unjustified but plain old wrong. What really hurts is that the newest name on this list wasn't even a man yet. He was just a 17 year old kid who was still talking about what he wanted to be when he grew up. Now we will never see what kind of black man he would have grown into.

In the mind of George Zimmerman the fact that young Trayvon was planning to be an aviation mechanic meant nothing. The fact that he was just a kid minding his own business coming from the store meant nothing. The fact that he was getting some candy for his brother meant nothing. The fact that he was unarmed meant nothing. All that mattered to Zimmerman was the fact that Trayvon was a black male therefore by some strange sense of default "dangerous". That's all the justification he needed.

I've seen claims that Zimmerman's is Hispanic, not white. If that is the case that still doesn't account for the fact that its apparently been shown that a person can chase, confront, and gun down a black male and face no charges. Gunning down someone because they are black and male and being free of consequence is a display of racism/sexism no matter who pulled the trigger.

You remember those songs "Fuck the Police" by NWA and "Cop Killer" by Body Count? Yes they may endorse violence against cops but its not as if they are not justified in their distrust of police. The cops in this instance didn't do the shooting as they did in the murder of Bell but the way the police are "handling" this case shows nothing but disregard for a young black male's life.

This is an every day reality for a lot of black males in this country. The fear that someone can just up and kill (not to mention beat, harass, assault, and otherwise terrorize) us and the police will simply not care enough about us to even attempt to bring the killer to justice, especially when one of their own is the killer. And when I say black males bear in mind I'm not just talking about the adults either I'm talking about the young ones like Trayvon and even younger ones. There are parents of black males right now probably worrying if their son will suffer the same fate as Trayvon. And there are probably young black males that will see this as proof that they don't matter and add to the mounting distrust of police. And that distrust should not be a necessity for survival.

Its not right that police have left entire groups of people mistrusting them and disliking them. The police are supposed to be around to protect us from the criminals, not giving them free passes or being criminals themselves. The only people that should have a distrust of the cops are actual criminals. Its a shame that in the minds of people like Zimmerman and police force in that area "black male" is synonymous with criminal.

If you (assuming you aren't a black male) ever see a black male's fear response trigger at the sight of a cop this is why. If you ever hear of a black male talk about how he distrusts (or maybe even hates) the police this is why. If you know of a black male that doesn't want to deal with the cops (regardless of whether he's the perp or victim) this is why.

Until the police start showing that they give a damn about us this distrust will continue.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

Yes I managed to get moved, somewhat settle and back online a lot sooner than normal. I've moved to a city (notice that I didn't say "new city") and things are looking fine so far. So many more things to get into. Found a gay club on my second night in town because for just about anyone that wants drinks, fun, a good DJ spinning dance music, and a low chance of violence this is a must.

In the furniture department I scored big time. Had to buy a PC desk, dresser, and book shelf (that I'm pretty sure pales in comparison to the magnitude of my book collection) and I was given an entertainment center. The PC desk and dresser are put together and damn that's a lot of screws. I see why pre-assembled furniture is so damn expensive. The book shelf and entertainment center shouldn't be too bad to do this weekend. But the real score was the friend in town that was getting rid of a lot of stuff. She was getting rid of so much stuff that I actually furnished my entire living room with her leftovers (and we're talking stuff that is less than a year old).

My new queen sized bed is nice. Damn that mattress is so soft and great to sleep on and the new pillows I bought are simply a-mah-zing.

I'm right in the middle of everything so stuff isn't too far out. Grocery store within walking distance. Multiple eating places within a short drive. I even have a WalMart, Target, Barnes and Noble, and Casual Male XL (a VERY awesome big and tall men's clothing store) all withing 1-2mi. of my place. And to make it even nicer the dear friends that I have always had to drive almost 5 hours to get in touch with once a year are now only about 2.5hr away (and bear in mind that when I used to "go to town" I was driving 2hr. in one direction). I'm settle into my cubicle at work and all things are looking nice. It feels like a new chapter of my life has started. However since the world didn't stop when I went away I don't think I can afford to stay away too long.

A lot has been happening. From the murder of Tryvon Martin, to things getting interesting at Good Men Project, to starting to find more common ground with folks I've butted heads with in the past, and more. A good man's work is never done. Time to hit the ground running.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

History or Hatred?

Right now in Kinston, NC there is a replica of an ironclad battleship from the Civil War era. The replica is accurate right down to the flag that it flies. The Confederate Flag.

There is no need to go into how the Civil War was basically about slavery (yeah they tell you in high school history it was about "state's rights" but it "state's rights about slavery" that actually set the war off) but from time to time I'll admit that I find myself wondering if every single use of the Confederate Flag should be wiped out.

Personally I don't think it needs to be wiped out entirely. In this particular instance the flag is not being used as showing support for the cause it once stood for. The use of this flag to me is a matter of historical accuracy.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 93

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Alright if all is well I am out buying a bed for my new apartment today so I'll have something to crash on after going out and celebrating St. Patrick's Day in style (and put myself out there in social ways I've been too scared to do before). I didn't get to do much in the way of looking around this week but I did come across a few videos to share.

The Story of Stuff

The Story of Citizens United vs FEC

TyphonBlue responds to claims that the Men's Rights Movement is a hate movement.

Yeah I know...

Something to lighten the mood before I go.

Alright people keep it real!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Good Man Indeed Stage 5

Despite what people like to say about men there are good ones out there. Good ones that try to make the world, or at least themselves, better. These men are rarely talked it. That should change.

Matt Logelin is a man that has been raising his daughter as a single father since her mother died shortly after she was born. It would seem that his daughter Maddy has taken a liking to comic books. Matt knows nothing about comic books and now embarking on a quest to learn about them with her.

I like this for two reasons. One its a girl whose interest in comics is not getting dismissed as "boy's stuff" by her dad. Two in what seems to be a great display of parenting he's actually immersing himself into the world of comic books with her. Sounds like any other parent/child activity like hunting, cooking, etc...

You're a good man Matt Logelin.

Fro tip to Ozy.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 92

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Challenging myths: "Male rape victims face many stereotypes and stigmas. People question their level of consent, their responsibility for the attack, their masculinity, and their sexuality. These attitudes in turn shape not only how people treat male victims, but also how the courts treat male victims. A recent article discussed this issue."

Sexual harassment as ethical imperative: how Capcom’s fighting game reality show turned ugly: This is indeed a problem in the gaming community.

Boys and Body Image Tips: I really like this article for two reasons. One its talking about guys with body image issues and at this we are nowhere near the point of talking about it too much. Two it actually brought up something that I had not thought about before. You see my own body image issues were centered around wanting to be thin and perhaps that kept me from noticing that it could happen the other way with guys wanting to be larger, bulkier, and have more muscle.

Those Horrible Boys: Thanks Clarissa for pointing out that boys not wanting to write an essay on being a girl for a day does not automatically point to sexism against girls. Or at least it doesn't when you look at the fact that boys are performing terribly when it comes to education in writing/literature.

Go here to see the entire sequence.

Partner Violence Reduction Act (PVRA): Not bad for folks who were recently smeared as nasty MRAs by Southern Poverty Law center. I've seen a few women's advocates cit the smear. I guess its okay to keep Mary Daly because she has a few acts of merit but when it comes to MRAs they don't get the same consideration.

The Castle of Cagliostro: This Lupin III movie is required watching if you call yourself an anime fan. Even if you don't like it that's cool but you still need to watch it.

Court Confirms Police Don't Need A Warrant To Do A Limited Search Of A Mobile Phone: Damn.

Woman Wins Lottery and Still Gets Food Stamps: Mo Money Mo Problems.

Racial Discrimination OK Against The Right Colored People?: I have to admit. If this had been a course that was upfront saying it was for people of color only I'd have no problem with white fire fighters being left out. However from the looks of things no such policy was mentioned and whites were able to register for the workshop and were then turned away when they came to attend. And also it seems that this is the only instance where the workshop was done this way.

For extra flavor view the link to Takei dancing while listening to this.

Alright folks quick announcement. I am moving this coming Friday and I need to get to packing. Also as a result I won't be posting for a short while on a count of taking time to get settled and then getting net access up and running. Got some good news and bad news about that. Good news is I have some posts scheduled here up until about the 22nd. Bad news is I may be offline until the end of the month (when I get paid again) which leaves a week of no activity. But I don't think you folks will stop coming here altogether over a week of inactivity would you? You can still reach me by email me at dannybois-dot-corner-at-gmail-dot-com which I can get on my phone (but since its on my phone don't expect long replies from me) if you need me.

Take it easy.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Positive Spin my ass...

So Huggies is running a new campaign in which their diapers are put to The Ultimate Test. What is this Ultimate Test you ask?


Yeah this one again. Huggies is pushing its brand on the premise that dads are so inept that they present the grandest of all challenges for diapers. You hear that dads? Huggies wagers that you are so terrible at raising your babies that you need to buy their brand of diapers in order to have a chance of doing it right.

I read about it over at Ozy's place last night (where you can get a link to the main ad of the campaign) and instead of typing my full explanation again I'm going to link to it and copy/paste it.:
I’m trying to think of a way they’d be able to advertise their product using dads + babies in a positive manner before I send them my thoughts. Anyone have any ideas?

This is going to be a tough one (at least for me because I have no kids and I’ve never cared for anyone else’s).

The ad seems to be saying that “Our diapers are so great that even dads who are alone with their babies, that are full of food, for a very long won’t have any problems.”

The thing is when it comes to parenting dads are portrayed as idiots. Well in the changing times its seen as something “positive” to say that a product is so good even an idiot can use it. Problem is its still pretty much calling that person an idiot or at least that person has some ineptitude at the task at hand. Not too different from the “Not bad, for a woman.” like comment when said woman does a great job at things that are considered “guy stuff” like fixing cars.

Imagine Craftsman tools doing an ad where a woman fixes a car and present it as “We’re going to put these tools to the ultimate test. A woman. By herself. Broken down on the freeway. With no cell signal.” I think most of us here can agree that it was probably not her choice of tools that saw her through that situation but her skills, right? Same thing with these dads and diapers. Unless someone really wants to try to argue that using Huggies over any other brand is the reason those guys were doing alright with their babies and not the skills of the dads in question.

But anyway I think one way to do this in a positive spin would be to present it as “When it comes to most important people in their lives these dads know to trust Huggies.” instead of “Our diapers are so great that even dads who are alone with their babies, that are full of food, for a very long won’t have any problems.”. The goal being to say that the dads are good and have the skills to be parents and as a result they know to pick that brand rather than saying the dads would be hopeless without that brand’s product.

Oh I bet people are patting themselves all over their backs on how "dad positive" this is. Problem is as I say its not dad positive its Huggies positive. This ad is not centered around promoting the idea that dads are capable parents. This ad is centered around the idea that dads need Huggies in order to be capable parents (at least capable of baby care). In other words its about the product.

That's not the positive spin we need for dads.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Common Ground: I want to try to find it again

A while back I had a conversation with someone and when we got to a particular subject things got...interesting. I've concluded that this is simply what one would call an irreconcilable difference. Neither she nor I will budge on the topic. But there is something to consider. Well two things.

1. We aren't married or anything like that.

Said irreconcilable difference isn't world shattering. Sure there are times when they can end a relationship but this isn't one of them.

2. We share a lot of common ground.

This counts for a lot. For the most part she and I agree on a lot of things (in fact this is probably this recent topic is probably the one serious disagreement we've ever had). I've come across people in the past with whom I shared a lot but the differences were just too great. Or they were too great for me to put up with anyway.

But I want to try something different. Unlike in the past where I would just write someone off over the slightest difference I'm gonna try to keep the common ground in mind. Yes this one topic would lead to an ultimately pointless loop but there is no point in getting into the loop when there is so much we agree on otherwise.

And besides she did something that really differentiates herself from folks have had issues with before. She called me friend. That means a lot. When its just some random person you will probably never meet in the flesh you may tend to not care when the sparks fly. But when its someone that calls you friend well that means they have put some value to the relationship. That value is what makes the search for common ground worth a try despite my previous dealings with this topic.

Before I would have said damn the common ground. But I want to try to get beyond that. Hopefully it will go well for me.

Monday, March 5, 2012

A Good Man Indeed Stage 4

As you know I'm all for guys that want to build their own masculinity/manhood even when it goes against what is generally "accepted" as being masculine/manly. Which is why I'm really digging His Black Dress (saw it over at Clarissa's).

Considering how men are burdened with being expected to limit ourselves in terms of what we are allowed to wear and still be acceptable I like this. Any who dare strike out beyond the boundaries in the fashion (see what I did there?) realm are a plus in my book and hopefully in everyone's book.

A good man indeed.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 91

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Leapin’ Links, Batman!: A nice round up of links from ballgame.

Patriarchal Feminism: Remember, a real man doesn't beat on women and will beat on any man that doesn't believe the same...

Slaves at Sea: Investigation into Foreign-Chartered Commercial Fishing Vessels in New Zealand Waters: You should really read this story but if you eat seafood that was exported from New Zealand then you REALLY should read this.

Dammit Limbaugh...

PA Supreme Court Alters Paternity Requirements in Child Support Cases: I've read this one twice already and I'm still trying to get a grip on it.

Want to Restrict the Age of Your Twitter Followers? This New Service Can Help [EXCLUSIVE]: An app to restrict the age of your Twitter followers?

MPAA: Ripping DVDs Shouldn't Be Allowed Because It Takes Away Our Ability To Charge You Multiple Times For The Same Content: I shouldn't have to put a caption on this right?

Why people should be allowed to erase memories: I can dig it.

Black Tape For A Blue Girl - We Watch Our Sad Eyed Angel Fall


Friday, March 2, 2012

One line to ruin them all

So we have the organization Rape Is No Joke gaining traction on a proposal on a way to dealing with rape claims.

I'm not going to bother going over the whole thing but you should because it is an interesting read. No I'm going straight to the one part that made my see red.

Anyone that has ever heard talk about the damage that false rape allegations knows one thing for certain and one thing for sure. When it comes to false rape allegations no one really seems to give a damn about the falsely accused. So this part should be of no surprise:
Enormous damages are done by making a false allegation of rape to the police, media, and the courts. One of the biggest damages is to the credibility of rape victims in the eyes of jurists. We all need to work together to fix that.
See what they did there?
Yes the enormous damage that's being done is to the victims of rape, police, media, and the courts. Once again when someone is falsely accused its all "what about teh real victims?". Can we take a moment to recognize that a person that was falsely accused of rape is a real victim of an actual crime?

This is the reason that people don't really care about false rapes in the first place. They don't take them seriously out of fearing of harming the "real victims". Look I'm not trying to say that people who are raped aren't affected but name me one other crime where the actual victim is disregarded for someone else. When someone's Cadillac is stolen do we worry about the other Cadillac owners who haven't been robbed yet? When a person is shot do we focus all the attention on other people nearby who weren't shot? When a big Visa has its data stolen do we suddenly get worried about Master Card customers? No we don't.

And as for the police, media, and courts well they are a part of the reason people that are falsely accused get such a hard deal in the first place. So why should they get priority concern over the person that was falsely accused?

I have an idea. Maybe if people started to show actual concern for the falsely accused to show that false accusers just can't falsely accuse them with impunity then maybe, just maybe, that will put a damper on their plans.