Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Can a picture really say that many words?

Its been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. But sometimes it seems like the thousand words someone might be thinking it means may not be the exact thousand words the picture was trying to say.

Take this picture here.

Its one that's been floating around the net for at least the last few weeks. It is a picture of three people, one woman and two men. One man appears to be holding his hand out like he's trying to wave a taxi, the other man is sitting on the ground, and woman is sitting on his back as if he were a chair.

Someone has taken the liberty of labeling it "Friend Zone Level 99". The "Level 99" part is a reference to video game terms in which a character starts with a skill or trait at level 1 and gains experience as they play getting to level 2, 3, and so on. Its not too often you see a game where you can take a skill/trait to level 99, meaning that this a really high level of Friend Zone. Now what is Friend Zone you ask?

The Friend Zone is a figurative space in which it is said that a woman will regulate a man to that she sees as a friend. That doesn't sound too bad but there's more. You see it is believed that for men the absolute worst thing that can happen (in terms of male/female relationships that is) is to be placed in this zone by a woman that they are attracted to. The thought is that once a woman places a man in the Friend Zone that means that there is no way he will have a chance with her and that she will probably take advantage of and his feelings for her. Also a lot of this banks on the gendered idea that men can't just be friends with women because men are only interested in romance (or sex) and are only going along with a friendship with a woman for the sole purpose of trying to make a move on her.

So to put them together getting to Friend Zone Level 99 means that said guy has been in said a woman's Friend Zone for a very long time (leveling up as they say) and she is pretty much free to do just about anything she wants with him and he will be fine with it. This is supported by the idea the reason she is doing that is because he is stuck in her Friend Zone and he will let her walk all over him because he is holding out some hope of making more of it. Now let me say that that stuff really happens and it is most certainly foul (yes when it comes to manipulative relationships its not always a guy manipulating a woman) and its certainly possible that that is what's going on here. However I'm not entirely convinced that this picture alone is enough to prove that.

It's entirely possible for a man and a woman to get to the point where she would be allowed to sit on him like that without them being a couple or him being trapped in the Friend Zone. In fact I know it is because I've got a few female friends like that. Yeah there are a precious few women in my life that I would allow to sit on me like that. Why? Not because we're a couple. Not because I'm attracted to them and hope that allowing them to do that will get me in their good graces and possibly create an opening (which could lead to Nice Guy behavior). No its just that the friendship has gotten that close that she is allowed that privilege.

Don't people have long term developed relationships that eventually allow the friends to do things among themselves that people not in that friendship would never get away with (because seriously if a woman that I didn't know tried that with me her ass may quite literally get dropped like a bad habit, right in the street)?

I suppose when you think about it like and consider that there is really no way to tell from that picture if she's taking advantage of him, if they're a couple, if they are really close friends, or something else it might be the case that they do indeed have a 99 in Friend Zone level.

But that might not be such a bad thing...

Monday, February 27, 2012

Unlearn what you have learned

If you have been following my Tumblr you would have seen this a few weeks ago. You have been following my Tumblr right? Well if not then don't worry as I will be totally awesome and bring something over from it.

A while back a saw this rather interesting picture while surfing through Tumblr and just had to say something. (The link is here however be warned that this image is so NSFW on a count of full frontal female nudity.)

Here is what I had to say. (I'm not gong to bother blockquoting because its coming from one of my own sites.)

It's pictures like these that make me question my sexuality sometimes. Oh but not the way that you think.

What I mean by that is people expect a guy to see a picture like this and go on about how sexually attractive said woman is. Don’t get me wrong she is. However when I looked at this picture my first thoughts were not about how desirable she is but about the photo itself.

The background. The slight wind that’s blowing her hair. Wondering what she’s looking at. The almost sad look on the side of her face you can see. Yeah all those things registered through my head before sex did. That makes me wonder about my sexuality.

But…it shouldn’t.

There is no reason that a guy’s sexuality should be thought of as questionable just because he noticed something else other than “how hawt is she?” when looking at a pic of a nude woman. There is no shame in sex not being the first thing on a guy’s mind.

That’s the type of thing that must be unlearned.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 90

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Woman Gets 6-Months Home Arrest for Killing Boyfriend: So what was that about only conventionally attractive women being able to get away with light slaps on the wrist for major crimes?

Catholic Church’s Pedophilia Investigator Jailed For Pedophilia: Someone should come up with a word for this...

Teachable Moment on Marginalized Male Victims: "Many commentators, politicians and advocacy groups tend to cast victimization with a homosexual or feminine identity under the guise of advancing equality and social justice. While profitable and politically expedient, such projections not only marginalize the significant number of heterosexual male victims of violence, neglect and abuse, but also recast them as victimizers.">

Glossary Added: I learned that the words "mangina" and "misandry" were invented by Men's Rights Activists. Yeah not "brought to popularity" or "run into the ground" but invented. I guess all those times I heard "mangina" in movies means the writers were looking to MRAs and misandry apparently was never a word until MRAs came up with it. I know right?

Treating the Hate: Yes I am shamelessly plugging a post of mine that was submitted to The Good Men Project earlier this week.

Long Life.

We are still heading for Self Destruction: It would seem that after taking Renee up on her good faith when she invited me to post on her blog I needed to be reminded that men are not dehumanized when we embrace destructive concepts of male sexuality...

A place for male victims to talk: It would seem that Hope for Men is gaining ground in its efforts to assist male victims of abuse. (via Toy Soldier)

Inspiration, Day Five: Some tips on keeping the juices flowing when writing.

‘Am I Ugly’ Videos Spark Disturbing YouTube Trend: Yes its a Youtube trend but I think this is just the latest manifestation of an age old issue of being too caught up in what others think about them.

Girl Forced To Run For Three Hours Dies, Two Charged In Case: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I like.

Take it easy people!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Because sometimes you just fuck up.

So I put a post up at Renee's place and things got heated.

Someone accused me of excusing DV and I asked for proof. And low and behold someone did find an instance where I thought it was funny. Not the same as excusing but still wrong. A while back on my Tumblr page I posted this:

You know what? The person that pointed this out was right to call me on this.

I did find this funny and even went through the motions of justifying why it was funny.

"Oh its not real people."

"Its using a popular internet meme."

"Who is going to take this seriously?"

Well people who are serious about not finding assault funny should take it seriously and I didn't.

The fact that its invoking a popular internet meme doesn't make it funny.

The fact that they aren't real people in the comic doesn't change the fact that its making fun of something that does affect real people.

I laughed at something that was not funny and that was wrong. I've been working on doing my part to try to change the world for the better and this time I dropped the ball big time. Can't confront something as serious as assault/violence as long as the idea that its funny persists.

Obviously no one is perfect but that doesn't mean that things like this can slide.

I'm not going to try to change history and take that down. But I will link this post to that as a reminder that assault/violence is not funny, even if it does feature a popular internet meme.

Kenyan women unspeakably abusive

This is the video I'm talking about in this post but I put a link instead of embedding because it almost immediately opens with images of men with severe injuries from being abused by their wives. Tread carefully.

The video is about the high amounts of wife against husband domestic violence in Kenya. Like I say in the warning the injuries are pretty graphic as most of them include massive amounts of scarring and a large number of burns (its almost like the abuse weapon of choice for those women is either a sharp object for cutting or some hot liquid being tossed onto these men).

But what really struck me was starting at about 1:40.

Using batters in quote marks.

"Working harder"

Saying the balance of women working harder than their husbands is a cause.

Being angry over not having the amount of sex they want.

Sounds like justification doesn't it? Maybe its because I'm American and this is coverage from outside America but this footage sounds a lot like it was attempting to sugar coat while these women were being abusive.

Abuse is not okay no matter which way its going.

Fro tip to Paul Elam for sharing.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ah Biden I think I see where you got that from...

Alright its no secret that people simply do not want to admit the fact that there is a good bit of female against male violence going on. I know its hard to come to terms with it but its true. There is female against male violence and it needs to be confronted just like any other violence. Well one of the main culprits of this dangerous mentality is Vice President Joe Biden.

Yes yes yes I know that he was the main brain by the Violence Against Women Act and people think that makes him an untouchable saint. To hell with that.

Don't get me wrong male against female violence happens and its something that needs to be confronted just like any other violence. But simply put the man has no problem denying female against male violence in his noble, almost chivalrous, pursuit to end violence against women. We've seen before that even when someone directly brings it up he will just talk over them like they said nothing. However I just saw something at Fathers and Families that may show why he does this.

Biden quotes a lesson from his dad:
My dad used to say that there’s no worse sin than the abuse of power. Whether it was raising a hand to someone weaker or using any advantage to push people around, he taught me that if you saw abuse, you had an obligation to attempt to stop it.
I think I see what he did.

I am just about convinced that instead of taking the time to look at any given violence situation to see who the one with the power or who is weaker or who is being taken advantage of he just declared that men have power and women don't therefore drawing the conclusion that either there is no female against male violence or its not that big of a deal.

Think about it. If you take that lesson from his dad in the purest sense doesn't that mean that you would be recognize all forms of violence and abuse, regardless of which one(s) you may advocate for? So don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that Biden shouldn't advocate on behalf of abused women. No that's a very important cause and the end so to speak is a very valid one. (So please save me the accusations of saying that I'm denying violence against women or that I don't think its that big of a deal because more than likely I will edit your comment.)

However what I am saying is that I don't think that the means are justified by an an ends that's even as serious as violence against women. As I have said violence against women is something that needs to be confronted. But is it really right to do so at the cost of actively denying any violence that's not male against female?

Bonus question: Its the Violence Against Women Act right? Then why does the discussion almost always end up as male against female violence and almost never mention female against female violence?

Monday, February 20, 2012

I see what you did there Walgreens...

I shouldn't have to explain what's wrong with this do I?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 89

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Male Training Through Emotional Abandonment & Inferiority Conditioning: Eh, the comparisons to slavery bother me a bit (but I am thankful that explicit mention of the slavery of blacks in America doesn't happen until the comments) and the idea that feminists are to blame for all the woes that befall men does nothing but give feminists more to whine about (because as you may not know no feminist has ever done anything negative before). But some of what he is saying there does hold up on its own.

Syfy Looks To 'Eureka' For 'Bob From Corporate': Eureka creator Jaime Paglia looks to make his break from television (with the flagship show ending its run this coming fifth and final season) as short as possible. He's got a new idea in the works already.

Exile in Gal-Ville: How a Male Feminist Alienated His Supporters: Ah, so the things he said about men and projected on to men for years wasn't was got him ousted. No he finally did something bad, he pissed women off. Phew its a good thing those activists are for equality for all people or else I'd be upset that it took a major revelation for so many of them to queue their outrage.

To straight, male MRAs in relationships: Has your stance on men's rights had any impact on your relationship? How does your wife/girlfriend view your opinions?: Interesting. People sharing stories of how being an MRA affecting their relationships.

Valentine’s Day Snub Prompts Boyfriend Attack: I don't visit Smoking Gun often and frankly it looks like its not legit but if on the chance that this is true this is terrible. You know the "buy her the right gift....or else" ads that run during Valentine's Day have bothered me for a while. But for some reason if you were ask me if I thought that stuff really happens I would have said no. (And here it is on a CBS affiliate site...)

And don't you forget it!

Column: OH!Victoria - "Why Shouldn't Westerners Cosplay?": Is it racist for Westerners to cosplay characters from Eastern works of fiction?

How would you feel if you found out you were raising another man’s child?: I'm not sure if she is still collecting answers on this (its several days old) but the comments are a train wreck. Personally I'd be pissed because the mom deceived me and that the system will not lift a damn finger to help men (oh but if I try to leave they will circle the tanks). And honestly I don't know if I could truly not let that rage spill over onto the child. The child in that situation would really be innocent but I there is a chance that trying to make me stay for financial support could hurt the child in order ways (that don't necessarily mean direct abuse). But one thing I do know if the "he should have kept it in his pants" crowd were as worried about children as they say they are then they would be adding some "she should have kept track of which ones were in her pants" to the mix.

Me, APD, and 'Babysitting While White,' Part Deux: In this day and age when people will play sexism and racism in order to complain about men being with the children in their lives while at the same time bitching that men need to "step up" I have to concede that in the realm of Cool Head this grandad is a better man than me. I may have been cool long enough to not end up in jail but you can bet your ass the resulting blog post would be nowhere near as nice as what he posted and I'd be suing everybody.

ethecofem's Getting A Brand-New Look!: Yes April has pulled out the jackhammers, forklifts, and other tools and is about to rework the site again. This should be fun...

See you next week!

Friday, February 17, 2012

I just keep coming across more reasons...

New Rule: If you believe that all people are feminists or bigots then you have just lost a massive amount of credibility.

From what I've read of feminists in my time I would like to think that people who are supposedly all about equality would be able to acknowledge the fact that its possible to believe in and work for equality and while not being a feminist.

You lose a lot of ground for cause with people when you try to stack the deck so that it looks like your solution is THE ONLY ONE and that anyone outside your solution is a bigot.

So to any feminist that believes this nonsense I want you to consider something. When you go around telling people that they are wrong just because they are not feminists or that they are ignorant because they aren't feminists or that they don't really believe in equality because they aren't feminists you are showing YOUR OWN bigotry. So when you start wanting to get riled up over why people don't identify as feminist don't just go looking for the Rush Limbaughs, mean MRAs, or "the media". No also take some time to look in your own camp for thoughts like this and the people who practice them.

There are a lot of us out there that don't identify as feminist and attitudes like this are the precise reason why. But to answer your question no the existence of this attitude doesn't mean your entire movement is bad. It just means that its got a flaw. There are other ideas in your camp that we agree with but when you make something like "either you're a feminist or the enemy" the bar of entry you simply turn us off. And you will only have yourselves to thank for it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Some people should not be parents

There are three extremely messed up things going on here.

1. A woman rammed her husband's car with her own vehicle in a school parking lot.

2. She did it because she thought he was going there to pick up their son from school.

3. She did it because she thought the child WAS ALREADY IN HER HUSBAND'S VEHICLE and tried to ram it in order disable it.

Thank the powers that be that the child was not actually in the vehicle, but he was standing nearby and witnessed it.

How exactly do you tell a child that "Mommy hit daddy's car because she was trying to stop you from leaving."?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Oh you don't know why Rihanna complained?

Well Rihanna might have complained because, oh I don't know, she was severely beaten?

This shit is low. Right down there with guys saying, "She can rape me anytime." when talking about a female rapist. (Which I have to admit I've said before, something else to remove from the vocabulary.)

I'm not saying its wrong to find Chris Brown attractive but surely there is a better way to express it than by belittling his abuse victim?

Yes that is precisely what they are doing. By pretending that what he did to her wasn't that bad and wondering "why she complained" they are minimizing the fact that Rihanna was attacked by this guy, quite brutally.

Hell I think Mary J. Blige is an attractive woman but there's no way in hell I'd date a woman and pretend its no big deal that she punched her husband at a club and then taunted him with the very attack these girls are belittling (yes she actually said after hitting him, "What're you gonna do, Chris Brown me?").

Nice Guys aren't found in the wild

If you don't get the pun in that title its a reference to the game Pokemon. For those not in the know its a series of games that mostly center around obtaining animal like creatures and battling them against each other. Long story short there I said obtain and not capture because a lot of them cannot be caught because they are not out in the wild to be caught.

Umbreon, The Moonlight Pokemon

Take for instance Umbreon. Pretty good dark type pokemon to have in your party. However one thing is for sure is that as of my typing this you will never be able to capture one in the wild on any hand held system no matter how much grass you walk through. That's what I'm talking about here so let's move on from the game references.

Some people seem to think that Nice Guys got that level of hatred and contempt towards women around the same time they got their eye color, fingerprint pattern, and their heterosexuality. I just don't think it is that simple.

That kind of rage, hatred, and disregard for women has come from somewhere. And I think I know some possible sources. Mind you I'm not sure I'd call these Nice Guys but I know I want to talk about their behavior because I don't think it starts with hatred of women. And if we don't talk about where it comes from how can it be dealt with?

Formula Man: First off we have the guy that was raised to believe that when it comes to male/female relations there is a single magic bullet formula that is supposed to work every time without fail. One such formula is to be cocky and arrogant to get her attention. Another is to have money. Another still is to have some sort of fame or notoriety. Operating under the belief that these things are supposed to guarantee success* with women this guy tries a formula and it doesn't work. The formula is supposed to work but it didn't. It doesn't help that he sees other guys use this exact formula and find not just success but repeated success. "I'm doing the same thing that he is but I'm striking out while that guy is scoring home run after home run. Something ain't right."

A lot of people think that this guys goes straight to hating women. And I bet that does happen in some cases but I don't think that is the case with every single one of them (in fact I don't think many of them make that leap). Instead it seems to me that there is an eternal conflict in this guy's mind where he desperately tries to figure out what is wrong with himself that's causing this chronic case of failure (remember he took on this formula in the first place because that he that without he would have no chance with women).

This could result in several changes to the formula or even trying different formulas altogether. You may see this play out in teen boys that drastically change their style, attitude, etc... in an effort to be successful with girls. Well when all those failures continue to stack up something happens. This guy decides that after trying so many different things to be successful and still failing that something must be wrong with girls/women. A kind of a "WTF? They don't want this? That's not right. They are supposed to want this. They live for this and want nothing else but this."

Yes internalization will only take a guy so far and after a while its bound to come out. And thus you have the Nice Guy that thinks women are supposed to work according to some sort of formula and the fact that he tried this formula and it didn't work from him proves that something is wrong with any woman that doesn't abide by it and if he can just find one that does everything will be okay.

So as we can see its not like this guy hate women from the get go. You can say perhaps a disregard for what an individual woman wants but disregard does not equal hatred. And that's what its about. Individuality. He is not taking a given woman's individuality into account when considering the idea that there is some all perfect formula that will grant him success with women/girls.

The It Man: Next we have the guy that believe he has to have a certain "it". Not to be confused with the formulaic guy above he recognizes that there is no magic bullet for being successful with women. He takes individuality into account and knows that different women like different things. Such a guy sees other men that are successful with women and see that it worked for them because they have something to offer that she was interested in. He knows its going to take more than just copying what those guys are doing to find success. No its going to be something that this guy himself brings to the table.

Well this guy tries and tries again and the only consistency he sees in his efforts is that he fails. Is he really that undesirable? Could it possible that he has somehow managed to be the one man in all the world that really has nothing about him that would make him desirable to women?

This is guy is going to be a bit tricky. First off there's no telling how many failures it will take for him to start doubting himself. Second of all once he starts doubting himself he is probably going to go through another dark place before he starts hating women. Yes I'm talking about The Spiral of Despair. This is the place where our guy may end up where he starts to doubt himself in a serious way.

"What's the point of trying to date I am totally undesirable?"

"Should I just give up and learn to live without it?"

"If I do does that does it mean that I'm a coward or being lazy for not continuing?"

"Of course different women have different tastes but for there to be no woman that I'm compatible with?"

"It can't be that something is wrong with all those women."

"It has to be something wrong with me."

"But can there be something that's wrong with me that turns off every single woman?"


"Impossible you say?"

"No. There is no way that I'm undesirable to all of them."

"Then it must be them right?"

"Must be."

"Yeah it would be one thing to get strike out some of the time, most of the time, even damn near all the time, but every single time? I can't be that bad, can I?"

"No way."

Being trapped the Spiral of Despair is not a nice thing but for the person trapped in it there are only a precious few ways out of it and with the exception of actual success there aren't that many positive ways out of it. Our guy here seems to be on his way to choosing one of the more unhealthy ways out.

Between accepting that he's a terrible person (and having degree of success to prove that he is not a terrible person), giving up on the idea of dating altogether (which sounds too cowardly and/or lazy and the idea of "i'll find happiness elsewhere" sounds like a cop out), not wanting to be trapped in the Sprial and slowly become a hollow heart (which I think may be the one thing that's actually worse than a hardened heart), and who knows what else this guy has concluded that his "way out" will be to hold ill will and regard towards all women because of his lack of success. Because surely if he hasn't met a single woman that was interested in him then there must be something wrong with the whole lot of them right?

Thankfully there is one crucial difference between our Moonlight Pokemon and the two guys I was comparing them to. While there is no way to get our dear Eevee back once its become Umbreon I think its entirely possible for (most) guys to overcome their hatred and disregard for women. Formula Man would make a lot of progress if he could just unlearn the thought that women follow some script of how they are supposed to be and are just waiting for a guy to come along to play the role of her man.

A fitting post for Valentine's Day tomorrow isn't?

(* - Just so we are clear I want it known that when I say "success" or "successful" it does not necessarily mean sexual success. A lot of guys just want partner. A lot of guys just want a date. A lot of guys just want to be able to tell themselves that they are not horrible losers that no woman wants to be around. A lot of guys just want to be thought of as attractive, beautiful, sexy, etc... by a woman. A lot of guys just want to know that they aren't sentenced to a lifetime of solitude. In other words its not always about sex.)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 88

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

So what's up people?

When Not to Fight a Restraining Order: A little advice for the dads out there fighting that good fight (that people are too busy bashing men over to notice is being fought).

Kay Hagan slashes IT workers' paychecks: Even though I live in NC I also work in IT so I really hope that if gets her wishes with this cut it comes back to bite her on the ass.

Woman Undergoes 10 Surgeries to Become Anime Character: Not sure what to say about this. But I do know there is a lot of venom going on in the comments so please be careful.

Yet Another (Yes Another!) Study Suggests Hollywood's Problem Is Dumb Release Windows That Cost It Money: So as we can see Holloywood is its own worst enemy. Maybe that's why that can't admit that they are shooting themselves in the wallet (instead of foot).

MA Court Rules Non-Biological Lesbian Mother has Same Rights as Biological Mom: If a child is supposed to have a fair shot at forming a relationship with each parent then why is it that the the parent that did not bear the child often have to take whatever crumbs of post divorce parental rights the parent that did bear the child tosses their way?

I don't watch basketball but if you could use Street Fighter moves in it I'd give it another try.

You’re not helping v7: How many times is this that Manboobz and/or his commentators have been called out for this nonsense? That, "But its a snark blog." excuse is getting tiresome. I'm pretty sure even snark is supposed to at least be based in truth.

A Look at the "Whiteness" of Japanese Anime Characters: Just as the title implies. I wonder if this happens because Japanese anime makers are trying to really break into American markets. And of course with the nature of anime that pretty much means getting in with young males for the most part.

Helping male sexual abuse victims: People are just coming around to the fact that there are male sex abuse victims out there. Sadly people like to deny this fact with the argument that if there were so many male victims out there then why aren't they asking for help. The fact that there are precious few to no support systems for male sex abuse victims shows just how circular this argument can be. Thankfully now that people are building these support system the male victims are coming forward.

U.S. Census Bureau: Dad’s Just a Babysitter: So people start off from the presumption that dads aren't even parents and then they wonder why dads aren't "doing their part"? Looks to me like 1) They are doing it but its being called "care" instead of parenting (dads "care", moms "parent") 2) Maybe if dads weren't treated more like babysitters than parents they would be better able to do "their part".

I've seen some pretty offensive stuff but this is the first time in a long time that my jaw actually dropped.


Friday, February 10, 2012

Did I hear that right?

So Ellen DeGeneres started doing ads for JC Penney and the group One Million Moms apparently have a problem with it. If you'll recall they were also the same group that had a problem with Chaz Bono being on Dancing With The Stars.

Well even if they weren't bigots that don't think gays can be spokespeople for products and somehow think that brand is suddenly part of some conspiracy they should know better.

You don't go fucking with comedians.

But something that shocked the hell out of me, and thus the title of this post was that Bill O'Reilly was on his show backing Ellen and JC Penney and calling out the One Millions.

New Rule: If you take a position against gays and Bill Fucking O'Reilly comes out against you, you might want to rethink your positions.

Fro Tip to Monica.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Hoping to be a mistake isn't much hope at all

I came across a pretty interesting post at emporiasexus. It was about how it may be the case that some young men, upon not having much success in the realms of dating, sex, and/or relationships will resort to thoughts as the one expressed that Superbad clip.

And this is not an isolated thing. I recall a scene in Can't Hardly Wait where a girl is crying because her boyfriend cheated on her. She decides in retaliation she will hook up with some random guy. Overhearing this one of the other characters in the movie (played by Seth Green) literally falls out of his chair with anticipation. (Here's a clip).

Or all the plotting and scheming to the guys in American Pie went through?

I'm not up to snuff on today's teen movies but I'll bet stuff like this still happens in them.

Emporiasexus makes the observation about a commentator on another site about the Slut Walks:
What he thinks, what he’s been told all his life, is that any attraction he can generate is contingent on whatever status and power he can acquire. In lieu of that, the best he thinks he can hope for is to “be that mistake”.
I'll certainly agree that one of the major points in the script of being a man is that a "real man" is supposed to have lots of sex with lots of women lest his manhood be put under question. For men to be considered sexy is to have status and power. Those without those things are deemed worthless.

Maybe this is why its so hard to find a movie in which a guy that is interested in having sex, getting into a relationship, or just going on a date does so in a manner that is not played off as a joke at the expense of the guy in question. What types of guys do we usually get in these portrayals? They're losers, geeks, dweebs, etc. They are willing to do anything and everything to reach the goal. Disasters and comedy ensure. Sure they may have some good quality about them that makes them nice to some people but on the larger scale they are deemed as worthless.

I mean even one of the better portrayals I can think of in recent memory, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" doesn't pull this off to well. Steve Carrell's character is painted up with most of the stereotypical reasons for why he hasn't had sex yet. He's into collectibles, doesn't get out much, has few friends. Well no wonder right? Sure he ended up having sex at the end of the movie but its pretty clear those things were added in as "reasons" for why he had been a virgin for so long. But I do like the fact that while he did go through some off the wall stuff he wasn't trying to get with any and every woman he could find by the end of the movie.

So is that it? Is the portrayal of guys like that limited to lifeless losers who are willing to do anything to get laid?

This is most definitely feeding into the Spiral of Despair I spoke of a while back.

"You're a loser."

"I am not a loser!"

"You need ____ to be successful."

"No I don't!"

"Then why are you still a failure in this area?"

"It just hasn't worked out for me!"

"You know there are things you could do..."

"I won't do stuff like that!"

"That's why you fail."

"I won't do stuff like that because not everyone is like that!"

"Yet you have failed to find even one that is not like that."

"I won't do stuff like that! There are plenty of people that don't do that stuff and are still successful!"

"Again why haven't you found one like that yet?"

"I just haven't met one yet!"

"Other people seem to have no problem with 'meeting one' so to speak. Why are you having such difficulty?"


Monday, February 6, 2012

Getting to know you 2012

I've actually been meaning to put this up near the start of the year for like the last three years and now I finally did it. Just a round of questions to get an idea of who we all are. Feel free to not answer some if they get too personal or change a question if it doesn't apply to you.

1. What is your occupation right now? Tech Support for a bank.

2. What color are your socks right now? Not wearing any.

3. What are you listening to right now? Velveteen by Yoko Kanno.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Peanut M&Ms.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? No.

6. What's your favorite liguor? Rum.

7. And what do you drink it with? I can drink it with anything but if I have a choice root beer.

8. How old are you today? 31.

9. What is your favorite show on TV now? Right now I'd have to say Being Human on the SyFy Channel.

10. What is your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? No.

12. What is your favorite food? Hamburger. Nothing can match a good burger.

13. What is the last movie you watched? Dazed and Confused.

14. Favorite day of the year? Any day where I can leave town and just "let my hair down so to speak". This is usually Halloween.

15. How do you vent anger? Ranting followed by silence.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Don't remember.

17. What is your favorite season? Fall.

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Yes.

19. How do you have your hair styled? In an afro that's due for a trim.

20. When was the last time you cried? A little over nine years ago. Yes I know I'm damaged.

21. What did you do last night? Worked on my blog a bit, played Skyrim, then bed.

22. What are you most afraid of? Unanswered questions.

23. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Spicy Cheese Burger?

24. Favorite dog? Don't like 'em

25. Favorite day of the week? Saturday.

26. How many states have you lived in? How many countries? North and South Carolina. Just the US.

27. Diamonds or pearls? I had Pearl but it was stolen before I could finish it but now that I have Black and White- Oh you're talking jewelry. Don't care for either of them.

28. What are you reading these days? Secret Circle trilogy by L.J. Smith

29. Do you run or contribute to a blog (if so don't forget to drop a link) or other online publication? (Yes I do. Link? You're on my blog now. But I do also contribute to Ethecofem.)

30. Usually after someone asks me a round of questions I'll have come up with at least one of my own. Here's your shot to ask me one. Make it count.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Weekly Mashup Stage 87

In an effort to build up the Ethecofem community into a place where any walk of life will feel welcome to come and discuss things we are looking for another regular contributor, preferably of the female persuasion to balance things out a bit, but anyone interested is welcome. We like a variety of viewpoints, experiences, and perspectives. And as always April is on the eternal lookout for guest bloggers as well. If you're interested drop a line at ethecofem[at]gmail[dot]com.

Also feel free to treat this as an Open Thread.

Are There Safe Communitites?: "I simply want to add my voice to the beautiful cacophony of voices able to express themselves on the internet."

Fat News!: A collection of recent stories on fat hatred and body policing.

The New York Times is made of Fail: Ozy just found out that the New York Times seems to think women don't read science fiction. And Ozy is not happy.

The New Sexism: I'm not sure about it being new but its damaging alright. You can't demand that men take more child care responsibility while at the same time profiling us as child molesters in waiting. But if it helps you sleep at night keep right on thinking that children are automatically safe around women.

Highway Patrol: No Charges Against Deputy In Crash: I can't be the only person that gets pissed at this stuff right?

Hugh Ristik’s Recent Reading List (NoH): Hopefully Hugh won't be made at me for totally borrowing his roundup of posts he dropped earlier this week.

Stop The Abuse: The Men’s Project: Toy Soldier talking about The Men's Project, a non-profit counselling agency for men namely those who were abused as children.

Who Wants to Control Women’s Bodies?:"Now repeat after me: the anti-choice movement is not about men wanting to control women’s bodies. It’s about a bunch of vile freakazoids wanting to control women’s bodies." Its so sad Clarissa has to point this out.

Very much true.

Love, Peace, and Soul Forever. R.I.P. Don

Friday, February 3, 2012

I'm not sure which one to pick...

I've been wanting to submit something to The Good Men Project but have been puzzled for the last few weeks over what to submit. For the time being I do have an original piece under construction but it may be at least another week before its ready. In the meantime I want to submit one of my older posts (after a bit of editing of course).

Since the site centers around the discussion of men (which frankly is a discussion that needs to happen) I'm thinking about submitting a piece I did a while back on the uses of the word girlfriend vs boyfriend.

But since I do have readers I want to know if perhaps there is another of my works that you think might be more fitting.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Fourth question about profiling: Bonus

After reading this I think one thing that sticks in the back of my mind is the following question:

To the people who think its okay for a woman to be scared at the sight of a man and think its right to expect all men to go out of their way to make women feel comfortable.

Does this apply to anyone with any fear?

I myself am willing to accept with the idea of a woman being suspicious of men. And I'm also willing to make the same consideration for a white person that gets suspicious around black people and expects all black people to go out of their way to make white people feel comfortable. Point being its all or none to me. Its the height of unfairness to say that out of all the groups of people in all the world only some of them should be expected to go make special concessions for other groups, especially when determining who should make such concessions is based solely on what group they are a part of.