Sunday, October 31, 2010

New Rule

When a Tea Party candidate says something so racist (and probably sexist but since its against men most people even so called "progressives" won't mention that part) that even Republicans think they crossed a line, it might be time to step back and think.

When asked about black men and college Illinois State Senate candidate Al Reynolds has this little gem to say:
"I've been in the city and the dichotomy of the women and the men in the minorities, there is a difference in the fact that most minority women, either the single parent or coming from a poor neighborhood, are motivated more so than the minority men. And it's a pretty good reason. Most of the women who are single parents have to find work to support their family. The minority men find it more lucrative to be able to do drugs or other avenues rather than do education. It's easier."

"We need to provide ways that are more incentive, other than just sports avenues, for the men for the minorities to want to go to college and get an education and better themselves before the women have to support them all."
Now its certainly true that black men are a very disenfranchised people. At one point (and it still might be true) young black men coming out of high school (which happens in small numbers relative to other demographics) were just as likely to end up in college as prison. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed but as Watkins (the writer of the link I gave above) says, "...but such comments must be tempered with the acknowledgment that the majority of African-American men are normal people who make normal life decisions".

Life decisions. Thinks like making money, staying out of poverty as best as possible, supporting their families, etc. The same things that people of any other demographic have to worry about. This is something that people seem to have a hard time getting through their heads. Being black in America is not an easy task and being a man in America is not as easy as some would paint it up to be. Black men are tied up in the rather unique dilemma of being characterized as hyper sexual thugs and criminals that don't care about our children and hate women. This is a tough nut to crack and its not being helped by people like Reynolds who seem to have learned everything they know about black men from watching rap videos and movies.

Let's take a look at this. As men we are expected to be external providers (as in working outside the home) for our families no matter the cost. There are plenty of men who take this idea to the point that they are indeed willing to break the law in order to feed their families (and it doesn't help that Reynolds is trying to paint the picture that the black men who do those things are only acting in their own self interest). I've known guys that turned to illegal activities (that's called "hustling" and if Al really understood black men as much as he thinks he does he would know this) just to put food on their tables. The only difference between those men and men who do dangerous work to pay the bills is that those men broke the law. I'm not trying to say that having to provide for a family excuses breaking the law but if we are going to get serious about trying to help black men (an integral part of helping black people overall) then the real reasons for their acts need to be brought to light instead of just blindly believing stereotypes and biases.

So as you see being black and being a man is not a joyous combination.

About that picking drugs over education think about this. When a man has children early in life he (by the script of being a man means being an external provider) certainly has to provide for said children but more importantly he has to provide for them NOW. Hungry, cold, and dependent children can't wait for a college degree. Hungry, cold, and dependent children can't wait for the job market to get better. Hungry, cold, and dependent children can't wait for the best paying job to come up.

Hell I'll bet that Reynolds even believes that the prison system comes down harder on blacks and men more than any other group of people simply because they commit more crimes.

Weekly Mashup Stage 22

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours!

Pennsylvania woman charged in deaths of infants: "Michele Kalina, who has been in jail since she was arrested August 9 on charges relating to the discovery of the infants' remains at her home in Reading, was charged Monday with criminal homicide and five counts of "abuse of corpse" and is being held without bail, Adams said in a statement released by his office."

TRICK OR TREAT: Just When Is It?: For when you just don't understand Halloween and assume its all about being anti-God.

Woman Kills Baby For Interrupting Farmville Session: "Alexandra V. Tobias says her three-month old child, Dylan Lee Edmondson, had been crying while she was trying to play the popular Facebook casual game. This angered Tobias, who told authorities that she shook the baby, had a cigarette to calm herself down, then shook him again. It's believed he "may have hit his head during the shaking"."

Congolese women raped on Congo-Angola border, U.N. officials say: "The United Nations said the women reported they were held for nearly two weeks in early October and raped. The U.N. said three people in the group were killed, including two men and a woman, who died after being repeatedly raped. Those who survived and were released then returned to the Congo in the nude and with no belongings, according to the United Nations." (I'm curious as to why is it that when rape in that part of the world is mentioned male victims are almost never brought up and when they do it usually just a brief mention.)

Not one post but two posts by Melissa McEwan on Living While Fat.

NC State Bar Panel Backs Anti-Bias Language: The ethics committee of the NC Bar Association is looking to change their rules of conduct to include language stating that lawyers should not discriminate while working. I thought such language would be in there already...

It’s hard to be a stepmother: Apparently being a step parent is an excuse for abusing a step child.

Due to going out of town this coming Friday (and will not return until Nov. 14) more than likely there will be no Weekly Mashup. See you on the other side.



Saturday, October 30, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Thursday, October 28, 2010

So the Lord doesn't like to share?

Ok before I go into this bear in mind that I live in The South. For those of you who don't know The South is a section of the United States that pretty much covers from Virginia down to Florida and from the east coast out to about Texas. In this section of geography there is also the name Bible Belt that covers about the same span (just a little further out west in to Texas). In this Bible Belt people take their religion very seriously (to the point of violence).

Now that that is established let me clue you in on how several places have decided that rather than having the little ones get their candy gather on on the actual night of Halloween (Sunday Oct. 31) it shall be done on the night before (Saturday Oct. 30). Now at face value its a good idea because kids need to go to school and adults have to get ready for work on Monday. But if that were the case I would not have led off with that paragraph about The South and Bible Belt.

No no when I ask around the common answer is that Halloween was moved because kids should not be Trick or Treating on "the Lord's day". Yeah I know.

Nevermind that Halloween is based on Celtic/Pagan traditions that predate Christianity. No Oct. 31 just happens to fall on a day that has been claimed in the name of God and therefore must be moved. You would think that our Lord and Savior would have no problem sharing Sunday with a tradition that's pretty much become secular.

I don't know if this attitude exists in other places but I find it sad that people are so quick to push around non Christian things as if Christianity is the only valid religion. Which disappoints me even more since that means I live in an area where I will have nothing to get into for Halloween (not even a costume party).



Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Casting Call for Guest Bloggers!!!

Oh no not here. While I would like to get to that point one day I just don't think I've built a strong enough of a presence here in The Corner to take it to that level, not yet anyway.

Actually April, the main brain behind Ethcofem (of which I am one of her nearly silent partners in crime) is looking for guest bloggers to drop by her lovely place.


I’d like to start featuring guest posts from a variety of people offering different perspectives on topics that we frequently discuss here. I put up a page with more information for people who are interested. Check it out, and email ethecofem(at)gmail(dot)com if you’re interested!
Have something you want to blog about but don't have a space of your own? This might be a good place to get your voice heard. Want to dip your toes into the waters of blogging? A guest post may be what you need to try your hand.


(Lundu dialect of Bantu)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

For the guys that could use a body image boost too

Well it would seem that it is Fat Talk Free Week (via Modus Dopens). Not a bad idea I say.

Its a known fact that idea that there is some "correct" body size that people need to be in order to fit in. This idea is responsible for A LOT of body image issues, insecurities, low self esteem, and all sorts of damage. But since that site is pretty much for women/girls only (which is fine by me) I'll get my thinking on right here (and make this a space for discussion about the body image issues that men/boys have).

You see people have a hard time believing that men/boys even have body image issues and it doesn't help that we fight so hard to pretend that we don't so that we can keep on the mask of invulnerability that is masculinity. Day in and day out I get constant comments about how big I am, how tall I am, how big my feet are, how big my hands are, how I can just sit on people instead of fighting them, etc. Even "positive" comments about my size (like random strangers asking what team I play for or saying that I could be a wrestler) don't sit that well with me. That's basically telling you that since you have that particular body then you must engage in certain activities.

These things hurt a log more than than people, even ourselves, want to say they do.

But its not that easy to just stop someone who wants to put their feet in your shoes and stomp around like their Godzilla stepping on buildings (childish I know but I've had grown ass women do this to my shoes nearly as often as small children). And what makes it so hard is that the people who do these thing often either don't realize how offensive they with such comments or the situation leaves you in a tough spot where pointing it leaves you looking like a grouch.

I have to say though despite the nature of the site there are some useful tips. I especially like the fourth one:
Make a pledge to end complaints about your body, such as "I’m so flat-chested" or "I hate my legs." When you catch yourself doing this, make a correction by saying something positive about that body part, such as, "I’m so glad my legs got me through soccer practice today".
I have to admit that I often make disparaging comments about my body, namely my thighs (because cause me so much aggravation when buying pants) and could stand to try this out. And I'm sure I'm not the only one with feelings like this.

So in an effort to make this a place for guys to come in and talk about I invite you to come in and share. What insecurities do you suffer from? What comments haunt your daily routine? Is there some part of your body that often wish you could change?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Those Axe marketers and their ads...

Fro tip to Smart Canucks

As you may have heard I'm no friend of Axe. As you may realize I am not a fan of their method of advertising which is pretty much shame young guys into thinking that they are dirty pigs (and I mean that literally) that have no chance of getting with women unless they use Axe products to clean up. In short they use sex to sell body spray/shampoo/body wash.

So imagine my surprise when I saw the ad above that's being displayed in Canada.

These folks still have to resort to getting guys to buy their products with promises of getting with women. Their body spray is like 99.9% alcohol. Their shampoo is full of chemicals just like any other shampoo (and more expensive because of their name to boot). Their body wash stinks and doesn't work that well.

Sub standard products, for high prices, pushed with anti-male advertising.

So in short to the devil with their products.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Weekly Mashup Stage 21

Hey people. Its been hectic lately since I've started helping my local volunteer fire department run their annual Haunted House (in fact that's why I've been posting so lightly the last week or so). Let's do it.

College Party Sparks Rape Drug Hysteria: Who needs actual crime when you can generate Fear Uncertainty and Doubt with the help of overhyped sensationalism?

Shortly after 33 miners were rescued from a mine in Chile 11 miners are now trapped after a gas explosion in a Chinese mine. People are fearing the worst as it looks like these 11 will not be rescued.

Even though I don't have kids I might try this DIY project.

Gender and Politics:"By accusing men of not being “manly” enough, women are able to not only show that they can play the same games in a man’s world, but also they also reinforce the idea that there is one certain masculinity that men must live up to, or else they will not be suited for the world of politics."

One in six boys can't write their own name by the age of five:She [Literacy expert Sue Palmer] said: ‘Boys will be disadvantaged at every point until we give them a more play-based approach until the age of six or seven, with less emphasis on formal schooling.’ Personally I don't agree that making education more play based is a necessity but something has to be done about this. And what really bothers me is that stats like this just don't happen overnight.

May the Force Live Long and Prosper?

Stop Complaining That There Are No Black People On ‘Mad Men’: It really took people four seasons to figure this shit out? Damn shame is that some of the same people that were cheering the show on about how it portrayed the oppression of women were some of the same ones wondering why there were no black people. The writers of Mad Men are trying to be at least somewhat historically accurate folks. I supposed next they'll get around to asking why there were no Chinese people in "Roots".

Shrink4Men: A new addition to my blogroll. The headline, "for men who are recovering from relationships with abusive women and the non-abusive family and friends who love them". (Fro tip to Spearhead.)

See you next week!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

So this one time in my bedroom...

Okay folks I'm talking about my recent go around with sex toys and I don't intend to spare any details. Tread carefully.

I've done a post or two on men and sex toys before and in the comment section of one of the posts someone mentioned anal pleasure and vibrators. Well after thinking about it and building the nerve I decided to take the plunge.

Well since this was my first foray into it I picked up a simple "personal massager" from Spencer Gifts. Seven inches of blue metallic speed controlled vibration. I mean really how could I resist shiny. I also bought a silicone based lube called Wet Platinum.

Interesting to say the least. Before I started playing with my anus I wrapped it up in a condom, lubed it up, and turned it on. I have to say it was something new. Felt good. I totally understand why women like vibrators. Damn I spent about 30min. rubbing it all over my body before I even got around to the anal. Rubbing that thing over the glans of my penis is just great.

But as good as it felt I think I should have gotten something with a texture rather than simply smooth. Even for as good as it felt it would probably feel better if my sphincter weren't so tense. Remember I'm not used to having anything go in back there.

Oh and about that lube Wet Platinum, its terrible. When using it with my vibrator I had to relube it like every 30sec. it seemed. Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke I tried it with my Pocket Pussy and the same thing happened. Had to keep lubing it up to keep going. It even happened with my Fleshlight. I'll just stick with Astroglide.

Yeah I'm pretty sure I'll be revisiting this.

Monday, October 18, 2010

So I guess I just made this up right?

A week or so ago over At Renee's place on a post about gendered violence and there was one particular comment by the user CrysT that struck my fancy:
This myth that men and boys are shamed for hitting women and girls is an out-and-out lie, and I'm getting sick of MRA and Nice Guy types vomiting out whenever this topic comes up.
I've pretty much concluded that the only people that believe this silly shit are men who actually did get away with or were encourage to commit violence against girls/women and people who weren't raised as boys/men. And I actually had the opportunity to witness such an example in action this past weekend.

So I'm hanging out at the house of this family I'm really cool with (the mom even calls me her adopted son) and the son (10yr old) and the youngest daughter (23 I think) were arguing. At first it was all verbal and nothing that any who has sibling would be shocked to hear. Well then out of nowhere the sister walks up behind the brother and slaps him in the back of the head. Dude got up and hit her back.

Pop Quiz.

What do you think the mom said after the smoke cleared?

She told the brother that she had better not ever see him hit a girl again.

Yes this grown ass young adult woman escalated from verbal to physical and HE is the one that gets chastised by mom?

So in the end while that CrysT person is correct that there are instances in which boys/men get a free pass on violence against women I stand by my words that that person is simply incorrect to think that boys/men aren't shamed for hitting girls/women. And no amount of stats (in a clear attempt to try to prove that it doesn't happen) will bury that fact.

And because I'm feeling a bit fiery I offer a preemptive "Fuck You" to anyone that tries to deny shit like this happens. Its high time that people quit acting like the only double standards that are in play are ones that favor men over women.

How exactly do fat guys end up as teddy bears?

As a man of pretty large stature a fact of life is you will at some point, depending on how nice you are, be called a teddy bear by a woman. You know soft, cuddly, wouldn't hurt a soul. Have you ever wondered exactly how a guy that is large, intimidating, and is presumed to be just waiting for the next crime to commit ends up with such a classification? It rather simple.

We overcompensate. You see when you spend most of your life having people crack jokes on you about how will sit on them, folks triple checking the auto door locks on their cars when they see you coming (yes I know part of that is because I'm black and male but the size plays a role too), and being treated like a threat at all times there is a desire, will at least for some of us, to go above and beyond to prove that you are not a threat.

That's why we go out of our way to avoid physical confrontation. Don't want people thinking we are big, scary, and violent and shit. That's why we go out of our way to assure people that we actually are nice. Don't want people thinking we are big scary, and violent and shit.

And from there I guess women just end up reading this behavior and think that we are just oh so nice. I really can't blame them since they just see the behavior on the outside but don't understand the process behind it. But yeah the next time you cross paths with a big guy and after a while you feel the urge to call him a teddy bear you don't have to fight off the thought to do so or anything, just think about how you came to that conclusion.

Weekly Mashup Stage 57

No you haven't missed 40 entries of my Weekly Mashup. Its just that I haven't done one since 17 and 18(Sept. 27-Oct. 1)+19(Oct. 4-Oct. 8)+20(Oct. 11-Oct. 15)=57 that's what I went with. Most of this stuff is pretty old but I wanted to put it up anyway.

Ohio SC Decision a Clear Win for Dads in Adoption Cases: Looks like folks are finally starting to realize that fathers should actually have a fair chance at being in their kids lives rather that leaving their rights to the whims of vindictive moms, stalling lawyers, biased judges, and a sexist system that is stacked against men.

Wife accused of murdering her cheating husband by setting him on fire 'only wanted to burn his genitals': You ever notice that when a woman commits an act of violence against a male partner those who cover it tend to try to open with explaining why she did it. Almost like they want to paint her up as the victim. Yeah she killed but its not like she was trying to kill him, she was just trying to burn away his genitals.

Oktoberfest 2010: I've heard from friends that Oktoberfest is off the chain. I would like very much to go one day. (If you look at picture 38 in that gallery and notice the second woman from the left. Totally attractive right?)

Advocates Debate Using Advertising in Schools to Raise Funds in Budget Crisis: Am I the only one that thinks this may not work out so well? I can totally see the ad space, which will more than likely go to the highest bidder, being devoted to dealers of unhealthy foods and who knows what else.

News reports of upswing in middle-aged suicide miss one glaring fact: Robert Franklin with another example of how when reporting on stats in a gendered manner those reporting seem to bend reality in ways Ang only wished he could in order to bury men and highlight women.

The Amazing Disappearing Trans Sexual Orientation: "When some trans people chose the answer “Straight” under the sexual-orientation category, they received a polite message saying, in effect, that they could not complete the survey, because it was not for straight people. Of course, the problem was immediately remedied after the first complaint, but some damage might have already been done."

Whatever Happened To ... the battle over Baby Emma: And remember folks this is happening in a country where an awful lot of people spend an awful lot of time simultaneously complaining that men need to "step up" and be fathers and fighting tooth and nail to push dads out of their kids lives.

Rejecting Binaries: Men Have Curves Too: "
When we have so many images of photoshopped models apparently illustrating the differences between men's and women's bodies, it can be easy to forget that there is tremendous overlap between the two, and that our bodies are what we make them. Our notions of what gendered bodies ought to look like don't reflect the full range of possibilities."

Being a Man: Time Passing By: "That said, looking back on it, I suppose one thing that kept me going was trying to keep it from happening to my brothers and cousins. I was a failure at that as well, but at least I put forth some effort. They are surprisingly forgiving of me, considering the circumstances."

The Full Duke University "Fuck List" Thesis From A Former Female Student (UPDATE): I'm not sure what all is going on here but it looks like a woman made a power point presentation on men that she slept with while attending Duke University and after sharing with a small group of friends it got out and went viral. Yeah because there's no way she could possibly think that it would go beyond that circle of friends.

Web Anonymity’s Fragility and Importance to Men’s Rights: "Often, though, litigation is initiated with the goal of unmasking anonymous speakers simply to harass and humiliate them with the strong arms of courts nationwide. These cases are often referred to as strategic litigation against public participation (SLAPP) suits, and only California currently has a statute penalizing plaintiffs who vex hapless defendants with them. (Federal anti-SLAPP legislation, the Citizen Participation Act of 2009, has been proposed; other states’ anti-SLAPP laws fall short on individual protections and apply only to political speech and matters of “public concern.”)"

Zimbabwe man claims rape by gang of women: ""A docket for aggravated assault has since been opened in these cases," said Bvudijena. There is currently no law on the books in Zimbabwe for rape by a woman."

Domestic Violence on the show "Teen Mom": Two posts (via Salon and Glenn Sacks) on how an instance of female against male domestic violence pretty much just went under the radar.

Oprah Winfrey says she's disappointed by school abuse case verdict: "Tiny Virginia Makopo, 30, was found not guilty of allegations that she improperly touched several teenage girls when she was a matron at the campus near Johannesburg soon after it opened in 2007, the South African Press Association reported Monday."

Dramatic Endgame Nears for Trapped Chilean Miners: " After waiting 69 days to be rescued, the Chilean miners trapped about 2,000 feet below ground had to wait a little longer Tuesday evening as rescue crews performed final tests on the capsule than soon will be lowered to them." It looks like things are looking good for the men trapped down there. Early projections had put a rescue at nearly
Christmas but now it looks like it may happen as early as this week (let's hope that by the time I post this they will already be safe, and they have).

I've seen Macross Plus more than enough times to know that this cannot end well.

Take it easy.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"Let's try here. Their clothes usually run big." Revisited

Earlier I did a quick post about a pretty painful night of looking for a dress shirt for a friend's wedding. Well now that I've taken my mind off it a bit I'm coming back to be a bit more exact.

You see most of the time when it comes to clothes, fat, body image, and so on most of the people tend to think that stuff only gets into the minds of women. Yeah supposedly people think that men are immune to body image issues (or just being told that mens' body image issues don't matter via the "women have it worse" card, and the attitude that men are just now feeling body image issues pisses me off quite a bit) and while I suppose life would be easier if I were that's not the case.

As I was walking around to all those stores asking if they had so and so size and getting the usual response of no it just felt like a knife was digging a bit deeper each time to go into store after store after store to get the same rejection.

I think the reason people think men don't have troubles with clothes is because of the notion that men have such little care for fashion it doesn't matter what their options are as long as there is something. Think about the way men and fashion are usually depicted on tv. Ever notice that when it comes to male tv/movie characters that go beyond the basics of fashion they are usually small, thin, attractive, and can shop literally anywhere? Yeah.

When I was trying on shirt after shirt after shirt it hurt. To think that I am so misshapen that I simply can't shop anywhere (and what especially burns me is going into a store, seeing a shirt I like, just to see that there are no shirts in my size but there are 50 of them in Large, 35 of which will be on clearance in a month).

Okay I feel a better now. But I'm sure I'll come back to this.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's always the good ones that are taken...

As you may know I am a bit of a fan of Huge. So imagine my surprise when I found out today it has been canceled.

I'm mad.

What I liked about the show is that it covered things that any teenager is likely to deal with (crushes, problems with parents, sexuality) and did it without acting like every single subject that happened in each episode had to center around each character's fat. The showed portrayed that fat teens have the same standard teenage issues as "normal sized people".

I'm actually really upset that the show was canceled but it doesn't not surprise me. People don't want to see people who seem different being show that they are just regular people who have regular problems. No TV has survived for so long on the tactic of making fun of, insulting, or otherwise ostracizing certain groups for the sake of entertaining other groups that its ingrained in our culture to think that someone must be on the outside in order for tv to be considered good.

Now while I would not be so quick to act like feminism is the magic bullet to addressing the way fat people are portrayed on tv the writer of the post does make the very valid point that being fat doesn't make one any less human.

But alas we'll never see if Alastair gets together with Becca, if Ian and Amber were going to hit it off, if Trent would go on to actually develop as a character, if Dante would truly see the error of his ways and change. Damn shame.

This is a sad day indeed. I guess I should be glad that I still have Pretty Little Liars to satisfy my teen drama fix.

Monday, October 11, 2010

"Let's try here. Their clothes usually run big."

By all that is holy if I ever hear that line again I think I will actually commit physical violence.

Last Thursday I was in a big outlet mall in Orlando, FL (which is why I was out of the office) looking for a shirt to go with my suit for a college friend's wedding.

So I'm in this mall with the best man (also a college friend) searching stores for a shirt and he keeps insisting on dragging me from store to store with promises that "this store sells large sizes" and "that store usually has larger clothes".

After running through this entire mall and hitting the usual suspects (Perry Ellis, Echo, Armani, etc...) we struck I said we would. Needless to say my friend is of standard size and I will need to have sit down with him about the definition of "large sizes".

This is why I've always hated shopping for clothes (and especially shoes). Normal sized people seem to think that large folks like myself share their ability to just waltz into any store and pick up any article of clothing and having it fit perfectly. It does not work like that but my friend, for as much as I love the guy, just didn't seem to get that.

Well in the end (after about 4 hours of searching in this mall) we called it a night and just went to a Casual Male XL shot the next morning (morning of the wedding) and found one in about 10min.

But damn I looked good in that suit once I found that shirt (even had some women stop me and compliment me on it). Now if I could just build up the confidence to actually not hate the idea of having my picture taken...

And with that the shop is officially open again. Bee seeing you.

Working on being a man pt.5...Revisited

This is one of many parts in the ongoing series of working on being a man.

Okay it looks like I made a poor choice of words in my last "Working on being a man" post.

It would seem that this bit:

What I think the hard part of this is going to be is how to get men to realize that we don't have to suffer in silence and getting the rest of society to basically shut the hell up and let us talk.
has managed to draw quite the bit of attention. Let's do something about that.

Daisy didn't seem to take kindly to that and responded. Well after some back and forth I figure that I think I was presuming that after reading the rest of the post people would take that I meant that in regards to pain in particular. Maybe I should have said "...shut the hell up and let us talk about our pain." or something like that to clarify and head off a big chunk of the comments on that post.

As I said in the original post as long as men are talking about things that they are "allowed to talk about" its all good. We can talk about violence. We can talk about politics. We can talk about sports. We can talk about cars. Most subjects are just fine but there are those that are just taboo for men, as men, to talk about.

For instance why do you think people have such a hard time with the idea that male victims of violence and sexual crimes (especially violence and sexual crimes committed by women) need systems of support? When a boy talks about being bullied by another boy most people are quick to offer some sort of advice or resolution (ranging from peaceful mediation to self defense) yet when he is bullied by a girl people seem to not be so helpful with the advice? Here's a tricky one. Let's say a hypothetical man is the victim of a crime. If that man talks about revenge and justice for what happened to him society is fine with that, but if he talks about how he's been hurt and the pain he has to live with people don't seem to be as attentive. (And I think this may be related to why when a woman commits violence people are all ears to hear her tales of suffering that made her commit the violence yet those tales are dismissed as excuses from a man.)

One other comment I want to touch on a bit:
Why does the ‘rest of society’ need to shut the hell up in order for you to talk? Has anyone ever shut up to allow feminists to talk? No – you’ve got to learn to speak even though no one else is going to shut up and offer you the floor.
Okay I know I'm not the only person that's seen feminists try to stop men from trying to talk for women right? Thing is they're right. I as a man have no business trying to speak on a woman's life and experiences as a woman. And I'm also willing to bet that even among feminists themselves some of them wouldn't want certain groups of women (let's say white women here) trying to speak on the life and experiences of other groups of women (women of color). So is it really a big of a stretch to believe that men would also like that same latitude to speak for themselves?

I totally get the feeling I will have to come back to this.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Is that really the mark of a "Real Man"?

So I'm chilling during my lunch hour today at work in the kitchen with three coworker, all women. One of them talks about her mail run through the offices and comments specifically on one particular man (we'll call him "Eric") that stands up every time she enters the room. So while talking about this man they start in on how I should be doing the same for them. I ask why. Now at this point I already knew the answer but in some faint hope that I was wrong I figured I'd wait.

"Because that's what a real man would so for a woman."

Okay folks you've been here long enough to know that I don't like it when people trying to hang things over my head as supposed indicators of a "real man". So after answering I would do no such thing of course that's when their desire for chivalry really kicked in and they started talking about how they were gonna send me over to Eric so that I can learn why I should do it. I tell them I already fully understand why Eric does that.

Its because its a gender expectation that I, Eric, and the majority of men have drilled into our heads. A show of respect for the presence of a lady as she enters the room and so forth.

Can someone tell me why women deserve such special acknowledgment?

I don't want to talk anything from Eric or any other man who chooses to go with this expectation. They are working with their own sense of manhood and they are free to choose to define it as they see fit and more power to them. However I on the other hand simply refuse to do such a thing. I mean we're all just regular people here right? Who is really so special that other people should feel obligated to stand when they enter the room?

And also don't get me wrong and think that I don't think women are deserving of respect, they most certainly do. However there is a difference between respect and special treatment. Respect is treating her as the equal human she is. Special treatment is to go out of one's way because of her gender for reasons other than "I want to do this for you".