Monday, February 25, 2013

Lessons in Love: Staying out too late

Okay so last night I came across a pretty big first. I went out while my girlfriend stayed in at my place for the night. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal to those of you who have done this several times before but to me it's all new ground. Well let's just say that things didn't go quite right.

I was going out to get my game on with a D&D group that I had just joined. It was the initial meeting so that we could build characters and all that. My sweetie already knew this was happening a few days ahead of time and was cool with sitting at home for the night. As such she knew that I was going to be out late and I told her it would be around midnight when I got back.

And then I didn't return until after 2am......

......and I didn't call or let her know that I was going to be later than planned.

Yes I know what you are thinking, "Dammit Danny." and you would be right.

When I got back in my girlfriend was still up (although she says she had gone to sleep and woke back up) at my computer. As expected she was not happy. To be exact she was worried and pissed. And she was justified.

I went out and told her I'd be back at a certain time and then not only did I not come back when I said I would I didn't even let her know that I was coming later.

So all day I've been thinking about why I did this to her and it's pretty simple.

I'm not accustomed to having someone in my life that I need to be accountable for my whereabouts with.

This isn't like my younger days when I was living with my parents. The reason they made it a point that they knew of my comings and goings is because as their kid they were responsible for my comings and goings and what I did during them. But now as an adult I and I alone am responsible for my comings and goings which means that motivation is no longer there.

So for years I operated on the fact that there was no one that really cared that much about when I came and went.

Well that is not the case anymore.

For the first time I now have someone that will worry about me and will be upset (and angry) with me when I go off the radar. And she will be worried/upset/angry not because she is responsible for me, but simply because she loves me. (To be sure I know my parents love me but let's be honest when you're a kid its the responsibility, in the form of "If you don't let me know your whereabouts I will punish you.", that you pay attention to.)

That's something I'll have to work on.

Take it easy folks.

1 comment:

Xakudo said...

Do you both have cell phones? If not, then this post makes perfect sense.

But if you do, did she try calling you? When my girlfriend is out later than expected, if I get worried I just text or call her to find out what's going on. If I didn't do that, and instead stewed in my worry/anger/upset that's on me, imo. And if my girlfriend does the same when I'm out, that's on her. We're adults, after all.

Having said that, of course if I think of it, I'll take the initiative to call or text her to let her know what's going on. And same with her. But I don't see why it's something to get upset about if one of us forgets.

So unless your girlfriend made reasonable attempts to contact you and you failed to respond, I think you're being way too hard on yourself (and if she's pushing you to be this hard on yourself she has some apologizing to do). If the tables were turned, do you think she should be this hard on herself?