Monday, September 10, 2012

I Live!!! I Breathe!!!

I talking about suicide. Tread carefully.

So today is World Suicide Prevention Day (which I honestly didn't know until yesterday while surfing around the net). While looking around while burning spare time at work I came across this post (everyone say hi to Julie!!!!) that leads to another post that gets to asking about why we (as in people who have considered suicide but have not done it) are still here.

When the chips were down and all hope and light seem consumed by despair and darkness, what is it that kept us from slipping away.

Now I'm not sure I fully agree with the idea that "depression lies" but that's neither here nor there today. Today is simply about why you are still here.

For me I the reason I am still here is because, and I know this isn't some grand answer, of curiosity. Yeah that simple. I'm sure you were expecting something awe inspiring "my kids" or "for my friends and family" or something like that. Don't get me wrong those things are important (mind you I don't have any kids) it's just that there is something else that has been an even stronger force for not taking those final steps.

Mainly it is a question of what things would I miss out on if I were to take my leave of this mortal world by own hand. Yes I will die some day but until that day comes there is still time to learn things, experience things, and live things.

A big part of why I've had suicidal thoughts was because of a lack of experiencing and living things that I see others experiencing and living on a regular basis. I had tried to see and feel those things for myself on my own terms just to constantly and regularly come up empty. As a result there have been times where I figured it would be best if I just left this world.

I'll admit I'm still not sure if the world is a better place with me in it but for my own sake I can say that I'm not better off dead if for no other reason than if I were dead then that would be a definite end to any possibility of taking on new experiences and feelings. And I don't want to hit that definite end until I meet it by forces that are out of my control.

That's why I'm still here.

Why are you still here?

A bit of extra reading on the topic.

Take 5 To Save Lives

A series of posts on men and suicide that ran at Good Men Project about a month ago.

National Suicide Prevention LifeLine

Julie explaining how depression lies.

Can you really say suicide is a Selfish Act? (This is a post I did a few months ago.)