Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Being A Man 101: Connections

So a few weeks ago I met up with a guy in town that is trying to get a men's group together. While chatting he made a pretty interesting observation.

He commented that when it comes to sharing feelings women seem to be taught to share amongst themselves. Even if the topic at hand isn't "solved" there is still a moment of sharing and connection between them (and this is coming from a guy and as a guy this seems to be true from what I see of women but if there are any women out there that want to dispute this then by all means do so).

On the other hand as guys we are not only not shown how to make those types of connections between ourselves but we are actively denied the opportunity to make those connections. When we have something that we would otherwise need to talk about with other guys we are told that we have to clam up about it and figure it out ourselves.

I think it's a good point (at least from what I've seen of women and from what I've lived as a man).

It's like as guys we are denied those connections under the premise that in order to be "real men" we have to survive without them. That we don't need them. That they hold us back. It becomes hard to see that because we are raised to believe the denial of those connections is what makes us a man therefore when we try to make those connections or when others try to make them with us there is resistance. Resistance in the form of other trying to keep us from making those connections and us ourselves not wanting them. All in an effort to make sure we read from the script of being a man and never deviate.

Why do they not want us to deviate? Because if we do then we become the men that we want to be, not the men that they want or need us to be.

That's what its all about. People don't want to see men help themselves (even folks that claim to be our allies sometimes don't want us to really free our minds, they just want us to follow their script instead of the one we are following already).

That's right guys we need to make connections. Work together and help ourselves. Work together to heal ourselves.

Yeah I'm sure there is nothing new here but I think its something that needs to be said because its definitely something that needs to be remedied.
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