Monday, April 23, 2012

Roadblocks

They say that in order to know the light you have to know the dark. Over the last few weeks since moving and things starting to settle down I've been thinking about relationships. If you have been following you know my thoughts on this you can see they have not exactly been pretty. I'm working on that but the going is not going to be easy.

Near the end of a recent piece at Good Men Project Jeffrey Platts gives a few bits of advice in order help overcome the negativity that's eating away at your mojo:
Bask in your mojo. I don’t care who you are or what you look like, you’ve got natural mojo. You might do or think things that block it, but the reality is that you have an attractive essence that is unique to you and people want to be around. SO OWN IT. If a guy smiles at you, ENJOY IT. If a girl says she likes you and wants to hang out with you, then BELIEVE HER.
Okay there's two things at work here. First there is the recognition of what makes you interesting to people and draws them to you. Second there is the recommendation of believing a compliment or accepting an invitation to an activity. Or should I say not at work.

Firstly I often have a hard time with the recognition that I am good at something. A skill or ability that while it may not get me my own show, gain me world wide fame, or vault me to professional level status it is something that someone can point at and say, "Danny's pretty good at that." If you were to ask me what that is I truthfully could not give you an answer. The question, "Name something you are good at?" is the bane of my existence because I get lost in the thought of "Well am I really good at it or am I overestimating myself?". I don't even have that part filled out on my OkCupid profile. Its like I'm constantly asking myself, "How can I say I'm good at something when I have no external critique to confirm it?"

The second thing is the whole part of believing a compliment or accepting an invitation. How can one do that whey they simply do not receive such kind words or offers?

Now I'm betting that someone reading this is thinking, "Well of course you don't get compliments and invitations. Look at the way you feel about yourself." That is true in the here and now but bear in mind this is the result of going a really long time not hearing this stuff. This isn't just a matter of overcoming a lack in belief of the comments you get. This is a matter of overcoming a lack in belief of comments you get where the lack of belief is based on the fact that you have (almost) never received such comments.
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