Monday, October 18, 2010

How exactly do fat guys end up as teddy bears?

As a man of pretty large stature a fact of life is you will at some point, depending on how nice you are, be called a teddy bear by a woman. You know soft, cuddly, wouldn't hurt a soul. Have you ever wondered exactly how a guy that is large, intimidating, and is presumed to be just waiting for the next crime to commit ends up with such a classification? It rather simple.

We overcompensate. You see when you spend most of your life having people crack jokes on you about how will sit on them, folks triple checking the auto door locks on their cars when they see you coming (yes I know part of that is because I'm black and male but the size plays a role too), and being treated like a threat at all times there is a desire, will at least for some of us, to go above and beyond to prove that you are not a threat.

That's why we go out of our way to avoid physical confrontation. Don't want people thinking we are big, scary, and violent and shit. That's why we go out of our way to assure people that we actually are nice. Don't want people thinking we are big scary, and violent and shit.

And from there I guess women just end up reading this behavior and think that we are just oh so nice. I really can't blame them since they just see the behavior on the outside but don't understand the process behind it. But yeah the next time you cross paths with a big guy and after a while you feel the urge to call him a teddy bear you don't have to fight off the thought to do so or anything, just think about how you came to that conclusion.

2 comments:

womanistmusings said...

I came to that conclusion because the man makes me feel safe. This is a big thing in a world in which women are often attacked physically. My unhusband is a very large man but he is also the most gentle man that I know. I often marvel at the softness of his touch and this makes me feel safe and loved. I think when you care about someone you are gentle with them and this is a good thing. Others may not see him that way but I certainly do.

Danny said...

Thanks for dropping by Renee.

I came to that conclusion because the man makes me feel safe.
While there are exceptions to this but this bothers me on a small level. Believe me I'm not trying to downplay the conclusions you've made about your guy but it seems a little evo-psych "I chose him because he can protect me.".

I often marvel at the softness of his touch and this makes me feel safe and loved.
I wonder (and this is not directed at your guy alone but at all large men) how much of that is his actual nature at work versus overcompensating to not come off as a threat (I'm sure in your case considering all the time you've been together you have concluded its his nature).

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