Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The answer to that is quite easy

So I see this post over at Shakesville today and I see this:
They're also plain old sexist for a number of reasons. For one thing, this is always a crisis for black women. As one of my colleagues pointed out when we did a presentation on this, the percentage of black men who have never been married is quite similar (43% maybe--I need to find the number she unearthed) but we never hear about the black man's marriage crisis.
The folks in the comment section seem to have a hard time realizing why this is the case. But I suppose it that would be hard for people who seem to not be able to get past the idea of male privilege and all that shit.

The reason people aren't talking about a marriage crisis among any section of men is because as men the script says that we supposed to actively dodge the concept of marriage. That's why when a guy says he doesn't want to marry people don't go nuts. Its because he's "not supposed" to want to marry. No possibility that he might not want to marry at that point in his life, or that he doesn't want to marry the person he is with at that point in his life, or maybe he is actually not ready. No he has a case of committophobia which is genetic of course (its embedded in the Y chromosome).

Now I'm not trying to say that its fair that women are expected to marry. A part of the script of being a woman is that women "are supposed" to want to find a man (and it MUST be a man mind you) and marry above all other desires. It sucks. Its unfair. But its not like when it comes to marriage the pain is as one sided as some like to act like it is.


April said...

I hate Shakesville.


Danny said...

For the most part I hate that place too but in the interest of not writing off an entire site because some (okay most) of the community can be jerkish at times I try to read it at least every once in a while. And as I said I think that post is on the money about the unfair expectation that women are supposed to make marriage one of their top goals in life. They just suck when it comes acknowledging the experiences of men.