Wednesday, April 14, 2010

And men/fathers are the ones that need to "step up"?

There's no shortage of people who will go on tv, blogs, where ever to declare that men are not doing enough to be in their kids lives. True. There are a lot of men out there that do just that. Get women pregnant and then run off. But then I come across stuff like this (Fro tip to Robert Franklin).

When 20 year old Emily Colleen Fahland became pregnant John Wyatt, the father of the child, asserted that he wanted to be in the child's life and be the father that he never had (his own father died when he was young). However despite some initial conflict Fahland and Wyatt had seemed to have come to the understanding that they would keep the child. It would seem that there was more to it that John knew. Several hours before the birth John had been trying to contact Emily but her phone was turned off. Eventually he found out that his girlfriend and their new child were at Potomac Hospital in Woodbridge. Yet when he got there he was told that no such woman or child was there. So what happened?

Well it turn outs that Emily had other plans for "baby Emma". Emily had taken the child to Utah to be adopted by Thomas and Chandra Zarembinski. Why Utah you may ask. Oh when it comes to getting the father of your child kicked the curb not many states can compare with Utah's level of service.

Now that Emma has been with the Zarembinskis for over a year chances are the "well she's been with them for so long that sending her back to the biological father will be too harmful to her development" card will be played. Which given the early stages of life Emma is in this is probably true. But this totally ignores the fact that this was not an unavoidable circumstance. Its not like John was away in prison and Emily died during child birth or anything. Its not like John ran out on Emily and Emma. Emily knowingly used the Utah adoption system to put as much distance between John and Emma as possible and used the courts to create enough of a delay so that this card could be played. Kinda like a rogue employee of an abortion clinic coming up with excuses and lies to delay the procedure until the woman is past the cut off mark and then telling her, "I'm sorry but your pregnancy is too far along for us to perform the procedure."

The real shame here is that in all this switcheroo three terrible things have happened. First Emma has been cheated out of a loving biological father that wanted to be in her life (and what are the odds that she will even know the truth behind the shady circumstances of her adoption). Second John was cheated out of a daughter that he was ready to "step up" and do exactly what the media constantly tells us men are not doing. And third somewhere out there there is a child that really does need a loving home to go to. But instead of the Zarembinskis taking in a child that really does need the help, love, and safety they can provide their efforts are going into a child who already has that in Virginia.

And why? Because Emily decided that her parental rights (don't get this confused with "my body, my choice" this is parenting not abortion unlike John Emily would have had plenty of ways to simply surrender custody to John no questions asked no obligations demanded) are more important than John's rights and desire to be a parent and Emma's right to a loving biological father.