Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Men and Sex Toys Revisited

Remember a while back when I talked about men and sex toys? Well I came across this and got thinking about it again.

The picture at the start of those post pretty well describes the current state of affairs when it comes to sex toys and gender (well at least in mainstream American culture). A man that uses sex toys is a loser that is not doing something right and can't get the real thing and is probably a virgin (and this touches on the virgin shaming of women which is another post for another day).

There's a few problems with this expectation that has been cast on men.

First off its not like there is some fail safe in place that actually checks to see if a guy is a virgin before using a sex toy. I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that have had sex with other people and used sex toys just fine. This part of the expectation comes from the notion that men want sex all the time and are willing to do anything to get it. And with so much effort going into getting as many sex partners as possible for things to end without having one means there has to be something wrong with that guy. Therefore if a guy uses a fleshlight it must be because his best efforts to have sex have failed and he is it as a way to deal with all that uncontrollable animal lust that us males are supposedly born with. This makes him a loser because he can't get a sex partner and has to resort to a sex toy.

Which leads to the idea that a sex toy's only purpose is to provide a pleasure hole for him to dump his dirty seed in (remember male sexuality is supposedly a dirty thing). No room for experimentation. No room for simple curiosity. No room for him being in a relationship and he is in the mood for sex but his partner is not. No room for using it to work on his sexual performance with his partner. No room for being stressed and choosing masturbation as a way to relieve it. Nope if a guy is using a sex toy its because he is overcome with lust and must spill it somewhere, somehow, and fast.

You notice how I've been saying partner this whole time? Well that is because there is often the assumption of heterosexuality when talking about men and sex toys. Back in that paragraph where I talked about a guy using sex toys is assumed to be a loser virgin that just couldn't find a sex partner. That sex partner is assumed to be a woman. The majority of sex toys for male use consists of mimicked vaginal openings. Many of them even have labia (both sets) and and clitoris. Yes there are toys that mimic anal openings but most of those are usually advertised with a picture of a woman who is ready to "take it up the ass". So while there is room to talk about anal sex bear in mind that said anal sex is still assumed to be heterosexual. (But please spare me the theories that men that want to have anal sex with women are secretly gay or bisexual.)

So maybe if we can get away from assuming that men that use sex toys are straight virgins that are so horny they have to bust a nut in something immediately I think we would all be better off.

Damn its not wonder that outside this blog I've only told one person I own sex toys.