Saturday, November 7, 2009

Why is male sexuality considered dirty?

As you can tell by the title I'm getting straight to the point. For the most part male sexuality is generally regarded as a dirty and disgusting thing and that's a problem. Unlike female sexuality which regarded as a pure and delicate flower (which isn't all sunshine and rose petals either from what I understand) male sexuality is something that is supposed to be rough, ugly, nasty (which is why people refer to a woman that has had sex with a man as "defiled" or "unpure").

As men we are expected to be the dark side of sexuality (with female sexuality being the light side). On that side we are supposed be hungry sex beasts always on the hunt for the next romp under the covers. While some may find this image to be alluring and attractive it can be quite destructive.

What do we usually see in pop culture when it comes to men and sex? "Hot" bodies (hot being defined in very narrow, sexist, and homophobic terms), willing to do anything to get it (even violating and attacking people for it), its the top priority (even over career, friends, and family).

For those men who do try to achieve this they may very well be allowing this image to overwrite their own interpretation of what their sexuality is to them. For those men who do not try to achieve this or try and fail to achieve it it can be much worse. They are constantly called into question. Not wanting to have sex with a woman for, well any reason whatsoever? He must have a problem. Not the type to constantly hit the bar and club scenes looking for sex? Something must be wrong with that man. Not having sex with women because that's not your orientation? That's when the attacks really start. For along with the assumed predatory nature, forcefulness, and other unpleasant things associated with male sexuality there is also an assumption that is heterosexual.

And somehow this is what men are supposed to be striving for in terms of sexuality?

I know this isn't much but my goal here is to get some discussion going on the state of male sexuality. What do you think?

2 comments:

April said...

What I find most telling about the inaccuracy of the expectations for men to be over-sexed and aggressive (even violent) in pursuit of sex (only with women, of course), is that I know many men personally who have been hurt and made to feel insecure by this expectation. These men vary in background, sexual experience, and personality. It seems clear that these expectations and assumptions about men are not only inaccurate, but incredibly harmful. My experiences with male sexuality are, of course given my gender, just observations. But I know firsthand what it's done to my own significant other.

"For those men who do try to achieve this they may very well be allowing this image to overwrite their own interpretation of what their sexuality is to them"

I think that's right on. I know this post isn't about women's sexuality, but I can relate to that sentence from the female perspective and sexual expectations that are placed on females. I've always felt bad acquiring another "number," because I thought it would make my look slutty. And it has clouded my personal feelings toward sex and how I expressed my own sexuality (or allowed myself to explore it). Once I stopped feeling so bad and decided not to care, I starting dating someone who literally cried when I told him how many people I'd slept with (he asked). And I didn't personally even think it was a very high number. It's a mindfuck. I don't know how anyone is supposed to get past it and just be themselves.

Danny said...

Once I stopped feeling so bad and decided not to care, I starting dating someone who literally cried when I told him how many people I'd slept with (he asked).

Now most people would just call him some names and say its his own fault for asking and having such unrealistic expectations and then go looking for pats on the back. Frankly I wonder why he cried when you gave your number.

My first guess is that as a man he has been sucked into thinking that he is supposed to have much more experience than you so that he can fulfill his role of showing you. Second he has probably been sucked into thinking as a woman you are supposed to have only limited experience so that he can be the one to show you. This feeds back into the gender roles that men are supposed to be the hunters and women are supposed to be the prey.

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