Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Am I weird for making such an association?

This past weekend I went to a small fetish party. Nothing too big just someone giving massages, a bit of electroplay, and of course spanking while tied to a St. Andrew's cross. But nevermind that my thoughts are about something else.

This was also a costume party (by the way I'm seriously thinking about dressing up as the Clown with Tear Away Face from Nightmare Before Christmas next year) and since there was some fetish stuff going on there were quite a few couples dressed in sub(missive)/dom(imant) gear, including the two friends I went with. One thing that nearly all of them had in common was that the sub wore a collar with a leash attached that was held by the dom.

I know how crazy this may sound but there is just something about a collar (even in a consensual context) that just makes me think of how African slave were sold and displayed in market places as if they were possessions. Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to start a crusade to end the use of collars. It just kinda weirds me out when I see other people wearing them.

In the context of slavery there is no doubt that the use of collars and rope to bind people was not consensual whereas the subs among fetishists are clearly consenting to their dom's use of such things. But somewhere in their I'm either missing something or adding something that should not be there. Yet to make it even more odd when it comes to binding hands and tying people up I have no problems with it and in fact I personally enjoy having my hands tied. But one thing I firmly put my foot down on is no collars which if I even did form a relationship with a dom I don't think it would be a problem (assuming they are a proper dom).

Even though it is clear that the dom is in control the relationship between sub and dom is one of trust and respect. The dom may be giving the directions and orders but at the heart of the relationship the dom knows there are boundaries that are not to be crossed and there are things that the sub just will not do. To even attempt to make the sub do things they have stated are outside the realm of what they are willing to do is a violation of the trust and the sign of a dom that needs to be avoided.

And I doubt I'm the only one that made the connection. While I was there that night I was talking to someone (black guy) and he was talking about how the spanking reminded him of slavery.

So I guess I'm wonder if seeing a person wearing a collar triggers thoughts a slavery with me, while the site of a person being tied up and spanked doesn't, does that make me weird or something?


Anonymous said...

Probably my ignorance showing here, but dom/sub a relationship of trust and respect? Respect? Um.....huh?

Danny said...

Welcome Guest. I appreciate you dropping by but if you are going to be commenting here I request that you use a nickname so that there won't be any confusion if more than one "Guest" arrives.

Now about your question. Well yes. Even though between the two of them one is in control and one being control there are still things that the controlled one will not engage in.

Let's say you don't like being choked during sex. In a sub/dom relationship even though you would be the submissive one you still have say over what you will and will not do. If you don't like being choked during sex and your dom does it anyway then they are violating you and your trust.

Even with one being in control there are still boundaries they should never cross and some of those boundaries are set by the person being controlled.

Rachel Cervantes said...

Sorry, I don't know how that came out as guest. Wonder if this one will too?

Rachel Cervantes

Danny said...

I'm not all that well versed in JS-Kit so there is no telling how it happened.