Sunday, September 20, 2009

I think I may have another reason why

If you're read this blog before you know that when it comes to gender issues I don't claim the title of feminist or MRA (despite many a rude feminist that has called me an MRA in a deliberate attempt to insult and dismiss me because they can't stand to address what I'm actually saying). Both sides are on to some good things (despite what each would say about the other) but frankly I've never felt comfortable claiming either one. To me its always seemed like there is just too much arguing over the title themselves for me to even what to deal with when its the actions that are supposed to be important. Well I think I've finally found another reason.

Neither side really fully speaks to my experiences.

When reading stuff by MRAs I find myself being able to relate to a lot of what they talk about. Look at how the media portrays acts of misandry such female against male violence as being okay, funny, or something that is to be encouraged. Talking about simply being male can lead to assumptions of being a sexual predator. Growing up with the notion that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances but the reverse is never taught.

But then on the other hand they talk also about things that I can't relate to. One example being how fathers are treated like walking ATMs when it comes to child custody issues in which the court will hunt a dad to the end of the world for a missed payment but will act like they don't know him when the custodial mom denies visitation. Speaking of divorce there is the way that it seems to fine for the former wife to be entitled to everything she had during the marriage no matter how short it was or how much or little she sacrificed but the former husband doesn't deserve anything. I personally have absolutely no intention of ever getting married or having kids (but don't worry I concluded this years ago before I started reading the various human rights materials).

When reading feminist material I see that a lot of what they are talking about relates to me. Off the top there is how I treat the women in my life that I interact with which would obviously be a hot topic with a movement of people concerned with women. From there one would also talk about things like how fictional female characters are treated (namely being reduced to silent sexual objects) in works and how that treatment reflects to and from how women in the real world are treated.

But just as there is MRA material that doesn't quite speak to me there is feminist material that doesn't quite speak to me. Such as when feminists speak of DV they usually only speak of male against female violence since that is the format that occurs most often. Fine well and good and it needs to be addressed but given my sexual orientation that is not the DV that I would be a target of. Then you have abortion. Even if I were to get a woman pregnant the finally say so on an abortion isn't going to come down to me (I'd like to have some say so but the final word will never be, nor should it ever be, my choice). I'd like to have some "my body, my choice" options as well but that's another story for another day.

Now I'm not trying to say that the things I mention as not speaking to me will never speak to me but as of right now they don't. I'm not saying that those respective movements should change their ways to cater to me its just that despite feminists claiming to be concerned about all people and MRAs saying they want to help make the world a better place neither camp speaks to everything about me.

Hey maybe I should just start my own movement...


Confused said...

"sexual orientation that is not the DV that I would be a target of."

Here you seem to be saying you are gay, but in an earlier post you talked about how you might be sexually objectifying women implying you are straight or at least bisexual.

So which is it?

I am only asking because if you are gay, you cannot sexually objectify women.

Danny said...

Truth be told for the most part and for the sake of avoiding long probing conversations I'll say I'm straight but at the same time I think I check out the occasional guy way too much to simply say that I'm only into women.

But about my orientation and DV for the most I would likely have a woman as an intimate partner so as a man if I were to be a victim of DV it would not mesh with the current landscape of DV which pretty much defines it as male against female. Its good to see that there is a large system of help for women who are abused by men but at the same time if I'm a victim at the hand of a woman (or even a man) how strong is that support system? Sorry for the confusion